Local News
Single People Encouraged To Live Vocation Fully
Published: September 23, 2004
ATLANTA—Speaking at the Cathedral of Christ the King, Deacon Dennis Dorner encouraged single Catholics, whether or not they’re searching for a spouse, to strive to live out their vocation fully in an unmarried state, just as Jesus did.
The deacon, who has been married for 32 years, recommended reading “The Purpose Driven Life” by Rick Warren for its effective series of exercises focusing on discerning one’s vocation. He also noted that Pope John Paul II has been preaching on this for many years.
Deacon Dorner defined a vocation as God’s call and plan for a person’s life and the good choices God would prefer one make; citing Scripture, he showed that God has a unique plan for each person’s life from the moment of conception.
His talk, given Sept. 8, was sponsored by Kindred Spirits, a group for singles 35 and older, which is based at the Cathedral but has about 120 members from churches throughout the archdiocese. Kindred Spirits sponsors spiritual, social and service activities and is largely made up of those 40 to 60 years old, including many who are widowed or divorced.
He said discernment involves prayer and serious reflection, as well as consultation with good spiritual advisers and levelheaded friends with common values who seek one’s best interest. He also recommended making a silent retreat based on the spiritual exercises of St. Ignatius at Ignatius Retreat House in Atlanta and reading “Seeking Spiritual Direction” by Father Thomas Dubay.
“The central question is not ‘What do I want out of life,’” he said, “but ‘what is God’s plan for my life? Lord, what do you want of me?’ People who approach discernment that way can be confident that God will answer their question.”
This search is both challenging and fulfilling, he said.
“Only in fulfilling your personal vocation will you become all who God created you to be … How are you going to know what Jesus is calling you to do? … It’s not going to be God on the cell phone,” Deacon Dorner said. “Each of us is called to a particular state in life, but there is something more for each of us. Just as some of us are called to different careers, based on our skills and talents, so too each of us is called to use those talents to honor God and build up the kingdom here on earth.”
He spoke of how answering God’s call produces peace and quiets feelings of restlessness, indecision and unhappiness. “The most amazing peace comes from doing what it is that we are supposed to be doing with our lives, living a life with God’s purpose,” he continued. “We can all get wrapped up in stuff, and they become distractions … Use (your gifts) to accomplish what he wants you to do in your life. When following his will, you’re going to make profound changes not only in yourself but in others you come in contact with … Jesus will be with you every step of the way because you are using what he has given you to do what he wants you to do.”
He recalled the peace that fell upon him and his family when he told them seven years ago that he wanted to become a deacon, acknowledging all the sacrifice and study it would entail.
Deacon Dorner also spoke of the desperate need of society for dedicated Christian single people and of how living chaste, holy lives as single people serves as a particularly powerful Christian witness. In addition, single persons can wholeheartedly dedicate themselves in a unique way to particularly demanding professions like teaching or medicine.
“The church needs lay Catholics who work in the world, but who can dedicate themselves to their work and the spread of the Gospel, without having to worry about supporting a family. So God calls certain people to the single life in the world,” he said.
In conclusion he emphasized the importance for singles of getting involved in a community like Kindred Spirits and encouraged them always to reach out to newcomers, who may feel unsure of why they’re there.
“We have to be understanding of the needs of those we interact with, and it is often through the interactions within our communities that we begin to see more clearly the role that God has for each of our lives,” he said. “When you come together in a group like this for support and to see you’re not alone and there are people who care, then you take what you learn and feel and how empowered you are and take it out into the broader community.”
Answering a question afterward, he encouraged people going through the pain of divorce or death of their spouse to grieve but also “get outside of yourself,” saying, “you will heal when you start to give.”
Peggy Espinda, co-president of Kindred Spirits, found the talk to be affirming of the single life. As someone who has participated in over 20 Ignatius House retreats, she agreed wholeheartedly with that recommendation.
“It was down to earth. It was inspiring and the whole idea is to make forward motion in your life, in following Jesus. It is one of the first events I’ve been to that provides some sense of direction for singles in their spirituality and how to live their life.”
She recalled the joyful surprise she experienced in becoming a member of Kindred Spirits, after attending a dating seminar the group sponsored, and within 10 months becoming a group leader. Kindred Spirits is focusing more on outreach this year, she continued, and encourages singles to come to events and spread the word about their ministry. Activities include Masses in members’ homes, service projects at nursing homes, white water rafting trips and attending the upcoming Tony Bennett concert.
“We are really ministering to people,” she said. “I’m very excited about the organization. I keep hearing from people that it makes such a difference in their lives because they can come and be comfortable with people and have a lot of fun, and they are accepting of them as they are. It’s OK to talk about your values. It’s a great place to be able to be who you are.”
Leo Dolan said he centered his life around his children after his 14-year marriage ended but needed more of a balanced social life, which he found through Kindred Spirits.
“Kindred Spirits has given me a balance between striving to have a social life of my own with people around me that share my values so I can also grow and also be there for my children. This group has helped to give me support,” he said.
Dolan serves as membership chairman and said a goal for this year is to promote growth of the organization and have representatives in parishes around the archdiocese to help with this. He said Kindred Spirits fills a tremendous need, particularly for those who come to the group while recovering from the “tremendous loss” of the death of their spouse or from a divorce they didn’t want.
Barbara Bardenheier, a member of the Cathedral, said she was drawn to the speaker’s topic and sees marriage, like friendship, as a gift from God. She has found her closest friends, with whom she shares a spiritual connection, through a prayer group, missionary work in Asia and other volunteer service.
“I just think (having a spouse) is a pure gift from God so you can’t make it happen,” she said.
For information on Kindred Spirits, visit www.kindredspiritsatl.org.
