Print Issue: November 28, 2002

COMMENTARY: Conquering Depression's Demons

By Father Gene Barrnette, MS

Some people want to link illnesses such as depression with diabolic possession. I, and the church in general, hesitate to go in that direction. I do believe, however, that there is a definite, "demonic" dimension to depression.

One of the symptoms of depression is that we believe the most terrible lies about ourselves. And this is where I see the demonic connection. Scripture tells us Satan is "a liar and the father of lies." (Jn 8:44)

The following reflect some of the thoughts and feelings which haunt and disturb depressed people.

Lies concerning themselves as a person:

"I am no good at anything. I'm really stupid. I'm absolutely useless. I'm scum. I'll never amount to anything. I'm a loser. I'm fat, ugly, funny looking."

Lies linked to their relationships:

"I'm the worst spouse, mother or father, that a person can have. I'm only hurting these people I love. I'm damaging my kids. How can they even put up with me. No one can possibly love me.

I'm an embarrassment to the family. I'm no good as a friend. Who could ever want to spend time with me anyway, I'm just a burden to everyone. I'm totally selfish and treat friends shoddily. They're just being nice to me out of charity."

Lies centering on their faith life:

"No way can God love me. He can't forgive these horrible things I've done.

I'm really on my way to hell and there's nothing to be done about it. I'm no good. I think I'm possessed by the devil. God sure made a big mistake when He created me."

Lies about their condition:

"This will never change. It's only going to get worse and there's nothing that can be done about it. There's no help. I think the only way the pain might go away is if I don't wake up tomorrow."

And perhaps the saddest lie of all:

"Everyone would be better off without me."

Depression overwhelms us with lies and the results can be devastating.

Jobs and professions are sabotaged, marriages, families and relationships disintegrate, people withdraw into soul-strangling isolation, dangerous and destructive behaviors become routine. All because of lies that we buy into.

The last lie, "Everyone would be better off without me," is the most dangerous. Believing that lie has led some to run away, abandon family, work, everything. Some remain physically present but become emotionally detached and unavailable. Others, in sheer despair, tragically end their lives.

During my "career" of depression I have gone through many different stages. For years the episodes would throw me into tailspins because I felt totally inadequate for my teaching work and ministry. Anxiety attacks were ferocious. Diarrhea and vomiting often preceded classes or preaching. And yet, my work was very well-accepted and successful. But I believed the lie that I was incompetent in a big way.

Depression often led me to isolate myself. Phone messages and letters remained unanswered. Family and friends would not hear from me for weeks and weeks.

I did not want to be with people because I felt when I walked into a room my presence caused the lights to dim. "I was a bore, who could want me around."

I always had an excuse not to join with friends or family. Work was always a good excuse to avoid others. I believed the lie that the best thing for the pain I felt was to be alone, away from everyone else.

Depression would often leave me totally bereft of the sense of God. It would catapult me into the false, insidious and high-anxiety-producing belief that I had to earn and merit God's love. All I could see were my failures, my sins, my weaknesses. "How could I ever be worthy of God's love? I simply don't have the energy, the strength for that battle." And so I entered periods of great spiritual aridity, or more accurately, states of being spiritually comatose. I didn't lose faith in God, but I lost faith in the reality that there was any life-giving connection between God and me.

I no longer believed in grace, which is God's freely given, always-present and unconditional love.

Therapy and medication can help shake free the choked soil of our spirit so that we can again become fully open and capable of receiving the One Jesus promised, "the Spirit of Truth who comes from the Father." (Jn 15:26)

And in the power of the grace most amazing, hear the music and believe the truth of our specialness in God's eyes. Fill your head and heart with the refrain, "I Love You Just the Way You Are," endlessly sung to us by Jesus, and mysteriously mediated through Billy Joel. When this happens and we believe it, the demonic is once again conquered by the truth of Divine Love.

Father Barrette is a priest at St. Thomas the Apostle Church, Smyrna. He welcomes discussion about depression. You can e-mail him at EGBarrette@aol.com