Print Issue: April 18, 2002

Listening To The 'Voice Of The Spirit' Discernment Programs Offer Ways To Understand Vocation Call

By Priscilla Greear, Staff Writer

ATLANTA-After an attraction to the Eucharist led Joy Payton to convert to Catholicism in 2001, that same love of the Mass eventually began drawing her to the Eucharist-centered Missionary Handmaids of the Sacred Heart of Jesus.

"Listening to the still, small voice of the Spirit" and developing interest in the religious order, Payton, a computer programmer, began attending the discernment group last October led by Father Tim Hepburn, archdiocesan assistant director of vocations, and Sister Carmen Cabrejos, ACJ, Hispanic minister at the Cathedral of Christ the King. The group meets the first Saturday of every month at Blessed Sacrament Church, Atlanta. Payton, 24, said she's grateful "to meet with a peer support group that understands what I'm going through and the questions I have and the concerns in my heart ... just to have a support group of people who won't think I'm crazy for being interested in consecrated life."

The past months have strengthened her faith. "I've gone from being very resistant or reluctant in my spiritual life and my obedience to Christ and, over the past months, have become more open to where God is leading me and to whatever vocation that might be," she said.

Payton, who is in the application process for becoming a postulant with the Handmaids, noted that becoming a sister wouldn't mean having to give up a computer career. "I love my job and I'm very lucky to have great co-workers and I enjoy working with computers. If that's what I end up doing in 20 years I'd be happy. I'm not so much interested in a job description but a way of life. How do I want to be in relationship with God and with the rest of the world? (I'm drawn to) the ability to serve my fellow men, to be able to reach out to people in need, to have a life that's very intentional, purposeful and has a focus."

Stories like those of Payton are encouraging to Father Hepburn and Msgr. David Talley, judicial vicar for the archdiocese. The two priests initiated the discernment group about two years ago to aid those interested in a vocation to consecrated service. The day begins with a 9 a.m. Mass at Blessed Sacrament and continues with breakfast and talks at Nazareth House, transitional housing for seminarians, until 11:30 a.m. It provides Scripture study, prayer, teaching and assistance with discernment, also encouraging attendees to seek outside spiritual direction. Teaching often centers on a theme, with the last meeting exploring the Holy Father's apostolic letter on the new millennium. Father Hepburn also leads a Holy Hour for men and women discerning a vocation to consecrated life on the third Wednesday of every month at the Cathedral of Christ the King, D'Youville Chapel, at 7 p.m. Afterwards they go out for a meal giving them a chance to share with each other their stage of discernment.

The Saturday group typically draws from 15-20 people, more men than women, who have ranged in age from 19 to 50 and include a core group of regulars. "I think the Saturday group is a way of connecting with the archdiocese in a less formal way before making a formal connection," said Father Hepburn. "A lot of times people discerning a Religious vocation, they've never had the chance to meet with other people thinking on those same lines. Sometimes it's a really positive experience for them just to know there are other people out there who want to give their life in that way."

Attendees range from those who are ready to apply to a seminary or religious order to those simply interested. "We try to respond to where people are," said Father Hepburn. "What we'd hope for is people are really serious about God as far as God's specific will for their lives. We want them to be serious about it but they don't have to know what that is yet. In the group there's lots of invitation, not a lot of pressure."

Father Hepburn's number one message to participants is "rooting your life in Jesus Christ." "A Religious vocation is not just about helping people because you can be a social worker and help people. It's about rooting your life in Christ and about the dynamics of to God" through prayer and other people.

He called self-knowledge the heart of discernment. "That sounds kind of psychological but in Christianity if you read about what Pope John Paul II has written about so much is (that) Christ is the only way to authentic self-knowledge."

Referring to the "five standard fears" he's found people struggle with in discerning a vocation, he said some don't feel they are worthy enough for the vocation and others question the celibacy requirement. "For some people that's fear of never having sex and for other people that's fear of never having any one person," he said. "It's mostly deeper celibacy issues (involving) separation, the idea of not having somebody in your life."

Then there's the potential separation issue from family and friends. They fear "they'll be seen as different. And now with the scandals, they think people will look at you as weird and so you find people that are discerning a vocation and they don't really want anybody to know it yet including their family because not all, even Catholic families, are supportive of Religious vocations."

Others fear commitment, he continued, viewing affiliation with the archdiocese or a religious order as "signing on the dotted line" rather than as a step in a years-long discernment process during which they are free to change their mind and life direction. "They need to see it's just a step in a process. If they discern it's for them they keep going."

The Holy Hour at CTK is also there to help people make that first step. Former vocations director Father Serge Ward formed the evening gathering last fall for priesthood discernment but now it is also open to women. It usually draws from 2-10 people. The hour focusing on discernment is more prayer-focused, and includes exposition of the Blessed Sacrament and may include a rosary or evening prayer. Father Hepburn recommends interested persons first try out the Saturday group, which is more established.

Nicholas Azar, 37, attends both groups, and finds the Holy Hour more of a time of reflection and experiencing God. He recently became youth minister at CTK and now feels open to any vocation. The meetings have helped him grow more comfortable and confident in discussing his discernment. Focusing on holy living, he's "discerning a life's vocation and trying to understand more fully what God is calling me to do and so by surrounding myself by people who are open to discernment I hope it helps me," he said. "My direction is to holiness; my calling is what's open. That's part of what discernment is and part of discernment is taking action and so the action I'm taking is to attend these monthly discernment meetings. If you just pray about it and take no action then you're no farther along. It presents an opportunity for community, spiritual direction and being able to ask questions."

Attending meetings has helped Payton to realize that persons of all personality types can joyfully live consecrated lives, as she's struggled as a very outgoing, "life of the party" type person with a sense that she doesn't fit the more reserved sister stereotype. And while she doesn't feel called to marriage it's been difficult contemplating life without children, as she feels she'd make a great mom. Yet her spiritual director reminded her "when your spouse is the Lord you have many, many of his children to care for as your own. There are so many people who need mothering whether children, adults or peers. That's where I hope to find that mothering part of myself put to use."

The fact that many fall away from the difficult lifestyle of a religious order and that vocations are in decline makes Payton deeply consider if she's following "the Lord's will, not my own." As the supportive group helps her in that process, she encourages others, even with a passing interest in Religious life, to try rising early one Saturday for the group. "It's very casual, no pressure. It's not like a job fair with priests and nuns rubbing their hands together so excited people are there. People can be open about their fears and struggles and questions. It's just a really laid back, personable group of people and we just lift each other up in prayer."

For information call Father Hepburn at (404) 885-7422 or e-mail him at thepburn@bt.cathsch.org.