By Priscilla Greear, Staff Writer

ATLANTA-To encourage the lost art of dating among Catholics, CTK Singles sponsored a panel discussion Jan. 25 at Christ the King Cathedral. The panel convened as a way to offer encouragement and to address questions and concerns about dating. The event was part of a series, which also included a night of "Five Minute Dating," where participants each had a chance to go on 10 mini-dates with 10 people. And the Cathedral is now sponsoring an eight-week video series on Fridays through April 5, by psychologist Neil Clark Warren on "Finding the Love of Your Life." The video program offers practical Christian coaching on playing the dating field and addresses the necessity of spiritual and emotional health before getting into a lifelong relationship. "At CTK Singles, we are trying to create a better environment for meeting decent Christian/Catholic young adults, and this attempt at educating people in the 'lost art' of dating may help," said panel member Matt Gardner. "It seems like we put so much pressure on that whole process. It's almost like if it doesn't work it's all going to fall apart. If people would be a little more on the laid back and relaxed side they might enjoy it a little more. Regardless of what type of relationship it is, if you approach it with honesty and respect and in an unselfish manner...you're probably going to have a successful relationship, whether it's with your parents, teachers, co-workers. I think this is what we're trying to get at with this series." About 50 singles attended the event held in the parish hall. Women on the panel were CTK Singles Analisa Wagoner, Monica Berry and Renee Boncore and the men were Ernie Habicht, Jeff Funk, Jason Dill and Gardner. The evening opened with a blessing by Msgr. Tom Kenny, Cathedral rector. The women and men then gathered separately, after which women spoke to the men and vice versa. One discussion topic was how to deal with being asked out by someone who does not interest you romantically. Boncore encouraged members in that situation to introduce the person to other members of the singles group and help him to feel more a part of the community. Another topic was what to do when women become friends with men and then develop a romantic interest but are unsure whether to risk the friendship and try to deepen the relationship. Berry suggested a casual line: "'I dig ya.'... If you think it's somebody who's worth the risk and you care enough about them and know them well enough to know...I think that's how God plans it for us, that he wants us to be friends with each other and to know each other really well for us to make that leap of faith...Pray about it." Boncore noted the advantage in the church group of getting to know potential dating interests first. "That's the beauty of what this whole group is about-establishing the sense of community, building friendships and letting things happen naturally," she said. The men's panel then joined the female audience to revive the "to call-or-not to call" discussion, where men generally agreed there's no problem with women doing the initial dialing. In closing remarks Gardner encouraged people to really "know thyself" and the type of person they're looking for in a relationship. "If you know yourself then you're going to know who you might be potentially interested in and you'll get involved in communities that are focused on what you like and the people that you'll probably encounter are those folks that share those same values and beliefs." Regardless of whether or not they date, Dill encouraged them to get as much as possible out of the group's many different spiritual, social and service activities. And Berry added not to ditch friends and group involvement just because they start dating someone. Dave Sloan encouraged attendees to "put Jesus in the process of asking someone out on a date" as "it makes it more fun." Marty Wild, who helps lead Life Teen at All Saints Church, Dunwoody, said he is working on being more Christ-centered in his relationships, and is now praying about finding someone as he tries to get out and meet new people, grow in faith and stay involved in ministries like To Encounter Christ weekends. "I know enough that I don't trust myself exactly to pursue the ideal mate and I have to let God lead me to the right person. The hard part is trusting and surrendering but also not sitting back" too passively, he said. For information on CTK Singles and the "Love of Your Life" video series visit www.christtheking-atl.org/singles/.