By Rebecca Rakoczy, Special To The Bulletin

MARIETTA—The long distance call from their son came on a beautiful Easter morning. “Mom, I’m HIV positive.”

The news didn’t stun Jean and Pat Fagan at first. “At the time, I was almost blasé about it,” recalls Jean. “I asked him questions. There were no tears. I thought I did well.” And then the news sunk in.

“It was like somebody had died.”

Members of St. Ann’s Church in Marietta, the couple had already been active in their parish’s AIDS ministry, helping out with care-giving for one family whose son had AIDS, and who later died. “We were aware of the effects of AIDS,” Jean added. “Every time we turned around, someone was dying.” They knew the disease process through watching another HIV-positive couple at their church share their own journey with AIDS, from the beginning until their deaths.

Family members rallied around their son. “We have eight children and they are all extremely close-knit,” said Pat. “I know they all knew about him before we did.”

At the time, their son’s illness was not pronounced, so it was difficult to imagine the ramifications, noted Pat. “He was very unemotional about it all. He looked fine when we saw him.” Married and finishing up law school, their son looked forward to a bright future. “He was blessed; physically he looked great, and his doctor was giving him every available drug on the market (for HIV),” said Pat.

But the shadow of AIDS hung over their family. The couple sought counseling with Father Eugene Barrette, MS, then a parochial vicar at the parish, who gave them emotional and spiritual support. Prayers were continually said for their son’s health at the parish. As they still are, adds Pat.

The couple did ask their son once how he became infected, but their son declined to share that information. They didn’t press the issue. “It didn’t solve the problem,” they said simply. He was still their son, and he had an incurable disease.

Then the disease began to take its toll.

With their son more than 800 miles away, Jean and Pat needed to be closer. But Pat was still working full-time. Jean flew up to be with her son. “He lost 60 pounds. His immune system was gone, and his T-cell count was practically nothing,” she recalled. Confined to a wheelchair, he was so weak he could no longer walk. Jean stayed with her son for more than three months, providing almost 24-hour care with her daughter-in-law.

One of their sons, who is a physician in Norway with his family, called with medical advice, and later came overseas to spend a few weeks with his brother. Other family members, spread across the country with their own families, came in shifts to help out.

“Doctors there gave him three months to live,” said Jean. Another problem arose. The “cocktail” of drugs needed to boost an HIV-positive patient’s immune system was not as advanced as it is today. One drug apparently caused an adverse side effect in their son—he became manic-depressive, causing another strain on his marriage and his family. His health deteriorated and so did his mental state.

“His mental condition became so bad we had to commit him for three weeks (to a mental institution),” said Pat. Doctors there were able to treat him successfully and the source of the problem was eliminated, Jan believes. “He has been fine since,” she said.

Five years later, their son is still alive and working full time in a law firm. “You would never know he is sick,” said Pat. He has a slight limp, caused by the degeneration of the nerve endings in his foot, a condition that occurs in some AIDS patients. He continues to take up to 26 pills a day to maintain his immune system.

Every year, every day, the family says its thanks.

“This is hard, (knowing your child has AIDS), but we’ve had five years of our son. What I think would be devastating, what takes your breath away, is when you think of somebody else’s child who may pass away in an instant in a car accident, with no goodbyes, and then you think, ‘“Oh my God, how fortunate I am.”’