By Msgr. Louis Naughton, Judicial Vicar

1. If I have had an abortion, is it necessary to confess this sin to a particular priest or may I go to any priest in the sacrament of reconciliation? Is there a special penance for this sin? What about a person who accompanies a friend to the abortion clinic or helps them to make a decision? Is that a matter that should be brought to the sacrament of confession?

To come to the core of your question, any priest who has been given the faculties for confession in the Archdiocese of Atlanta can absolve from the sin of abortion and remit the automatic penalty (if incurred by the penitent) attached to this sin. (This faculty can only be exercised within the Archdiocese of Atlanta and might not be applicable in other [arch]dioceses. The situation will depend upon the faculties given by the local diocesan bishop.) Any properly disposed person in this situation can approach any confessor in this archdiocese to address this situation.

To commit the grave sin associated with a completed abortion, a person must have clear knowledge that this is a serious sin and one must undertake the sin with full consent. Considering the clear and unambiguous stand of the Catholic Bishops of the United States, it is difficult to presume that people in the U.S. are not aware of the seriously sinful nature of an abortion.

Abortion is so seriously sinful that it can also carry with it the automatic canonical penalty of excommunication. Only a priest endowed with the appropriate faculties can remit this penalty. However, this automatic penalty is not incurred by a person who has not completed his/her eighteenth year. Even so, this does not in any way lessen the objective seriousness of the sin of a completed abortion.

All of the above can also apply to those who cooperated directly in the process of bringing about a completed abortion. For example, in the case of pressure from others, it could happen that the person who underwent the completed abortion (against her will) would not have been rendered guilty of that particular sin whereas those who pressured her to do so might well have been guilty of the sin and incurred, as well, the accompanying automatic canonical penalty of excommunication.

The priest confessor must assess the situation in the light of what is imparted to him under the sacramental seal. The penance will be determined by the priest in that particular regard. Anybody who has been involved in this kind of situation and who is now properly disposed to repentance and reconciliation with God and with the Church is encouraged and urged to have recourse to the sacrament of penance as soon as possible. Every penitent can expect to experience the loving and understanding compassion, mercy and forgiveness of Christ forthcoming from the sacrament of penance. Hopefully, the painful experience deriving from this tragic kind of situation will serve as a landmark and a warning and a lesson to enable an effective purpose of amendment to avoid any repetition of this kind of situation in the future.

No matter what a person’s past history may be, anyone who has been involved in an abortion situation is urged and encouraged to seek reconciliation with God and with the Church by means of the sacrament of penance. Priests, who have been given archdiocesan confessional faculties, can address this matter for any penitent in the Archdiocese of Atlanta.

2. What if I’ve been away from the sacrament of confession for many years? It has been so long I’m not sure where to begin and I am not sure I can change my sinful behavior. What should I say to the priest? Is God going to forgive all sins, no matter how serious, even if I sincerely don’t know if I can change? Is it ever too late? Are there sins that can’t be forgiven?

I cannot imagine that any priest would not be anxious to help you and put you at ease in this situation. Only make sure that you approach a priest at a time and in circumstances that will enable him to minister effectively to you. (For example, approaching a priest just when he is about to begin the celebration of Mass or some other undertaking would not be helpful to you or him.) You might want to consider the possibility of making an appointment to meet with a priest confessor in relatively unrushed, unpressured circumstances to enable him to address this situation with you. Otherwise, you might want to get to the church at the very beginning of scheduled confession time.

You could start like this (remembering that the focus of your confession is to be on the sinful dimensions of your life): Father, it has been a long time and I need your help. Some of what I have to tell is not very easy or nice. Tell him what you can remember. You will be able to relate the sinful situations which are really bothering you. Your confessor will help you. God is only too anxious to forgive the repentant sinner no matter what the record might be. What He expects from any one of us is sincere sorrow. And when a rightly disposed person goes to confession that can be assumed. Why else would you be there? All of us have to take it one day at a time. Some of us have to take it just one step at a time. The helping hand of God is always available for the honest effort that we try to make. That is part of the grace of this sacrament. It is never too late to make a fresh start.

The fact that you are questioning your capacity to change is an expression of your sincere and honest concern and desire to avoid sin in the future. Otherwise, why would you even let it bother you? This concern of yours is an example of the grace of the sacrament at work in you; you want to do what is right by God. This is an expression of your firm purpose of amendment. And remember that God is always ready to help those who sincerely try to help themselves. We all have to do our own part in trying to avoid probable or near occasions of grave sin.

A Catholic who falls from the state of grace for any reason can return to the state of grace by means of the sacrament of penance. The proper dispositions and conditions necessary for the forgiveness of sin are contrition, confession, satisfaction and absolution. All of these dispositions and conditions presume and must include a firm purpose of amendment, i.e., a person undertakes to do his/her best to avoid situations and circumstances that would constitute probable or near occasions of serious sin.

An example might help to clarify what is meant by a probable or near occasion of sin. Nowadays, sensible groups pick a designated driver if they are going to a social occasion at which alcohol is going to be consumed. The temperate use of alcohol does not constitute a sin. Even so, there is a legal limit beyond which a person (though not in a state of sin due to the intemperate consumption of alcohol) would place him/herself in an occasion of serious sin if that same person were to drive a car; the gravity of the sin is related to the danger that the driver constitutes for him/herself, and other users of the road.

A person who knows from past experience that she/he usually drinks beyond the legal limit is placing him/herself in an occasion of serious sin if she/he does not take reasonable precautions to avoid driving a car while in that state (e.g., the precaution of making safe alternative arrangements for getting home).

Are there sins that can’t be forgiven? None that I know of. God forgives the truly repentant sinner however serious the person’s sins may be. Put yourself in the hands of God; the confessor must always do the same with regard to any aspect of his ministry in this great sacrament.

I hope you will get to confession as soon as you can and in that way avail of the peace that God alone can give. Remember that the Church at large is praying with you and for you, (just as you are doing, praying for yourself and the universal Church) when you approach the Lord through the sacrament of penance. Do not forget that one of the graces of this sacrament is to strengthen you to deal and cope with the sinful areas of your life, even and especially in those areas that are particularly difficult for you personally.

3. It seems that the Catholic Church regards any attempt at suicide as a very serious matter. Is this considered a sin, which would require confession or is it a crisis that requires professional attention? If a child commits suicide, are the parents responsible in God’s eyes?

Certainly any attempt at suicide is a serious matter of the gravest dimensions. And this goes beyond the realm of the Catholic Church. Nowadays, any threat of suicide is taken seriously. A person who makes such a threat can be committed to a psychiatric institute, in an effort to address such a dangerous situation. Theoretically, a person can in calculated fashion take the measures necessary to accomplish this tragic act. However, even common sense would also suggest that a person in such desperate straits might also have lost the balance and composure to make the kind of decision that would render an actual suicide (or even its attempt) sinful. In other words, because of the possibility of the presence of a serious psychological defect in the person at the time of the attempted suicide, Church authorities would most likely presume morally mitigating circumstances regarding the gravity of the sinful dimension of such a tragedy whether the attempt was successful or not. Therefore, a Catholic person who dies as a result of suicide is usually granted ecclesiastical funeral rites.

An unsuccessful attempt at suicide or the serious threat of suicide is certainly a crisis that demands competent professional intervention and assistance. The sinful dimension also has to be considered and is best addressed in circumstances that enable a confessor or spiritual director to spend quality time with the penitent. The sinful dimension (if there is one) may also be related to other sinful situations that brought the personal crisis to such a dangerous level.

Nobody is held responsible by God for the freely undertaken actions of another person unless they facilitated or wittingly enabled the realization or accomplishment of the matter in question.

Nobody has a right to hold a parent automatically responsible for the actions of a child. God, who can see into the innermost recesses of a person’s heart, is the most competent judge of this kind of situation. Fathers and mothers are called to exercise responsible parenthood. There seem to be very few if any parents who do not conscientiously pursue this sublime and noble vocation to the best of their ability, ready and willing to make every sacrifice to do so. The loss of a child through death, no matter what the circumstances, is a heart-rending experience and ultimately a distressing, painful mystery for any loving parent.

4. Are people who are gay or lesbian welcome in the Catholic Church?

All persons without exception were made welcome by Our Lord unless it was clear to Him that they lacked basic good will and sincerity. Many of the people He encountered did not at first understand Him. The only people He roundly castigated were hypocrites. But even then He never withheld His love from them. They rejected Him. Therefore my answer to your question must be: Most categorically, YES.

A person’s sexual orientation is not equivalent to and is not to be confused with a sinful way of life. All persons, irrespective of sexual orientation, are called to and are expected to strive to pursue a life of chastity.

Any person, old or young, male or female, married or widowed or divorced, celibate or single, heterosexual or homosexual, straight or gay or lesbian, all persons without exception are called to live a life of chastity.

If because of a serious lapse or grave failure to live according to the virtue of chastity or if for any other reason, a Catholic person falls from the state of grace, the normal path of return to the state of grace is by means of the sacrament of penance. No matter what a person’s sexual orientation may be, any Catholic person can receive the Eucharist as long as she/he is in the state of grace.

To repeat, a person’s sexual orientation is not to be confused with and is not equivalent to a sinful way of life.

5. I am Catholic, but I no longer make use of the sacrament of confession very frequently. Sometimes I ask God to forgive me in my prayers; at other times I think God knows all, so He knows when I am sorry for my sins. Why does the church require Catholics to confess their sins to a priest?

Perhaps, your approach (seemingly, not all that uncommon nowadays) stems from a lack of understanding of the grace and purpose of this sacrament.

Let me start by stating that Our Lord instituted the sacraments for our benefit. He gave them to us because we need them.

As with any other sacrament, the sacrament of penance is a personal encounter between the penitent (in his or her sinfulness) with Our Lord within the context of the worshiping, praying Church. Even though undertaken within the context of the most private, confidential and sealed circumstances, the sacrament is also an expression of the prayer and worship of the Church at large. Therefore, when you avail yourself of the sacrament of penance you are not alone but you are receiving directly the support of the whole Church praying with you and for you as you address the sinful areas of your life and put them in the hands of the Lord. Likewise, your participation in this sacrament includes your own prayerful support joined with that of the Church at large for all of those other people who also need to and/or are seeking to be reconciled with God through this great sacrament.

You are absolutely correct and wise in including in your prayers your request for God’s forgiveness. This in fact is part of the process of contrition, which is an essential and most basic element of the sacrament of penance. Of course, God is aware of all of your sins and He alone knows the depth and sincerity of both your sorrow and your disposition to do better and to be a better person.

The Church requires recourse to the sacrament of penance as the normal and sure way of bringing your sins before the Lord in a very formal, definite and serious way. Our sins don’t just relate to God alone. They also bear very negatively and very painfully upon others, particularly on those directly affected by our sins. (For example: the person who gets into trouble because of my failure to live up to my responsibilities and is blamed for something that I have neglected to do or lied about doing, and has as a result been subject to the resulting unfair negative consequences).

Further, we have to take responsibility for what we do. Confession compels us to do that. Would any of us want to see reported in the newspaper the kind of information that we have to relate to a priest in confession? I do not know of anybody who likes to own up and take personal ownership and responsibility for having done something that is wrong. Therein often lies the real catch. And this is a very understandable human reaction.

6. Many couples live together before marriage today. When couples are engaged, is this sinful?

Marriage involves a lifelong commitment, which is to last until death do the married couple part. Even an engaged couple has not yet made that kind of lifelong commitment. They intend to but it does NOT formally or practically come into place until the exchange of consent, formally and publicly expressed by the fiancées in their wedding vows. Even an engaged couple living together in a full intimate sexual relationship cannot claim to be functioning as authentic spouses because they are doing so outside of the married state.

This situation is morally unacceptable. Intimate sexuality is authentic ONLY within the context of a valid marriage, no matter what one’s perception of the situation might otherwise be. It is most likely that persons living in this kind of relationship have removed themselves from the state of grace. The Church regards this situation as inauthentic, despite whatever good, sincere but misdirected motivation lies behind the decision to continue living like this prior to marriage. A firm purpose of amendment is required in any authentic approach to the sacrament of penance and return to the state of grace. Other serious issues also come into play. The path to the sacrament of matrimony to which an engaged couple aspires should be one of grace. Living together undermines that possibility. Further, the statistics are anything but positive for the long-term success of marriages entered into following a pattern such as this. Fruitful reception of the sacrament of matrimony demands that the recipients should be in the state of grace.