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By Gretchen Keiser, Staff Writer
LAWRENCEVILLE—When assisting people who are seeking an
annulment, case sponsors Tom and Sharon Wetzel have firsthand experience with
the process.
Married for 15 years, the Wetzels first met at St. Lawrence
Church, as divorced Catholics mutually seeking to rebuild their lives, drawing
on the ministry of the parish to heal and start over again.
Sharon Wetzel said her divorce after nine years of marriage to a
man who was an alcoholic actually drew her closer to her faith and to the
church.
“I think it made me realize I needed God more in my life ...
It was an awful divorce ... I felt like an outsider with other married
people,” she said. “I felt rejected, but not by the church.”
“The church was kind of like a comfort zone,” Tom Wetzel
agreed. He became active in the first Parish Renewal at St. Lawrence and met
Sharon in a group focusing on rebuilding self-esteem. They were founders of a
parish group called Phoenix, for rebirth.
Each had children, three sons for Sharon and one for Tom, from
their first marriages, which had been celebrated in Catholic churches.
Their friendship in the early 1980s progressed to dating and then
to the realization that if they were to have a future together as Catholics,
the annulment process would have to begin. They did not consider marriage
outside of the Catholic Church.
“Probably because we were more involved in our spirituality
during our courtship, we never thought of getting married outside the
church,” Sharon Wetzel said. She had made a Cursillo weekend, where she
felt very accepted by fellow Catholics, and then she sponsored Tom for a
Cursillo weekend. They are still active.
“One of the things we learned (in Cursillo) is that God is
first and our relationship and ourselves are secondary,” Tom Wetzel said.
“We decided that we would wait for His will to come through
the process of annulment.”
Tom’s 14-year first marriage was considered in an annulment
process that extended over one year and provoked reactions, first of anger,
then of forgiveness, as he reflected on this part of his life and responded to
the questionnaire of the Tribunal. Although both the Wetzels were supported in
their separate annulment processes by the late Father Ken Bayer, MSFS, their
pastor, Tom Wetzel said recalling and writing about his first marriage was
still difficult.
“The questions do probe. I was probably still hurt,” he
said. “You’re probably going to get angry and lay the papers aside,
but go back to it.”
“The purpose of the papers is not to blame any participant in
the marriage. It is to lay out the groundwork (to determine) was there a true
marriage.”
“Reviewing the situation you were in, in your prior marriage,
and forgiving your ex-spouse helps your new marriage,” he added. “It
focuses on where your problems were. You could bring the same problems into
another marriage.”
The questionnaire “goes through not blaming the ex-spouse for
what happened. They ask questions from both perspectives. What do you think you
did in the marriage?”
“I think it was a healing process for me,” said Sharon
Wetzel, whose annulment process took approximately eight months. “I
expanded on the questions and wrote a summary of the marriage. I think you need
to be pretty thorough.”
Since their prior marriages were to other Catholics in Catholic
ceremonies, the proceedings considered whether or not the marriages had been
entered into with full consent by both spouses.
“It is not saying that there was never a marriage. It is just
saying that there was never a sacramental marriage,” Tom Wetzel said.
They have been case sponsors since 1990, five years after their
own wedding was celebrated at St. Lawrence, after each was granted an
annulment. They are among an estimated 125 case sponsors serving in about 40
parishes of the archdiocese, at the request of their respective pastors. The
Wetzels now are affiliated with St. Marguerite D’Youville Church, which
opened in Lawrenceville nearer to their home and where Father Brendan Doyle is
pastor.
Pastors are invited to nominate people to serve as case sponsors,
according to Deacon Whitney Robichaux, who serves on the staff of the Tribunal.
Typically they are people who work in the Rite of Christian Initiation of
Adults, where the issue of annulment may arise for people entering the Catholic
Church, or have gone through the annulment process themselves and want to serve
others. Since case sponsors represent the pastor and work with parish case
files, they cannot volunteer, but must be chosen by their pastor, Deacon
Robichaux said.
Case sponsors are trained by the Tribunal and attend annual review
sessions where the vision and procedures of the Tribunal are taught by staff.
When a person meets with a case sponsor, it is one-on-one and in
complete confidentiality. Although both Wetzels are trained case sponsors, they
work as individuals with one person. If the person, after an extended first
meeting, agrees to accept the help of the case sponsor, that case sponsor will
assist them in the process of filling out a preliminary Tribunal questionnaire
and later a longer questionnaire if the case proceeds and is of the type that
considers a defect of consent.
It is also a ministry of support, assuring that the person seeking
an annulment understands the process, responds effectively to the questions,
locates needed witnesses, usually family members and friends, who also submit
their written observations, and perseveres until the annulment process is
completed. There can be no guarantee regarding the amount of time an individual
case will take or that an annulment will be granted.
“I try to let them know I have been through the process.
There is confidentiality. What is spoken in the room does not go through the
doors,” Tom Wetzel said. “I try to get a narrative of the marriage
from their point of view ... We have a booklet we give them that helps keep
track of the documents they need. We try to help them understand this is their
case and they need to be very proactive on it.”
“At the end of the interview, we have papers they sign if
they accept us as a case sponsor. There are no hard feelings (if they do not).
They can select someone else, the pastor, or even a priest from another
parish.”
As the case progresses, the petitioner receives a second set of
papers and meets again with the case sponsor to ascertain that any needed
assistance is given. There is also an interview with a member of the Tribunal
staff as the process continues. Once the case has been assigned a case number,
the petitioner can call the Tribunal every three to four weeks to check on the
status of the case and ensure that needed documents and witness statements have
arrived. When a decision is reached, the case sponsor is also informed of the
outcome.
In addition to formal contact, Tom Wetzel said he tries to call
those he serves periodically, giving emotional support and encouragement.
“We can relate to what people are going through. We can give
them hints (on weathering the stages) ... I emphasize the healing process and
the forgiving process.”
“From the perspective of reaching out to people who are
separated from the church, we think it is a great ministry and we are happy to
be involved in it.”
Sharon Wetzel remembers the patience it took to wait first for the
annulment in her case and then for the annulment in Tom’s case and Father
Bayer’s guidance to keep their lives balanced and independent while the
process continued.
“For all the things we had to go through, when we got married
in the church, with all our family and friends there, it was such a beautiful
day,” Sharon Wetzel said. “It was worth it. It meant a lot to both of
us to be married in the church.”
They had talked about the possibility of having children together,
she said, particularly a daughter.
“Nine months and three days after we got married, we had a
little girl,” she said, laughing. “I feel she was a gift from God for
all we went through and (that we) trusted in the Lord. To me, it was like a
reward.”
As they work with people seeking annulments, and encounter
Catholics who come to Mass but are not able to receive Communion because they
have remarried outside the church, they are an encouragement to approach the
Tribunal and see the process through.
“I’d like to tell people it’s worth it,”
Sharon Wetzel said. |
