By Msgr. Louis Naughton

Judical Vicar

ATLANTA—There are at least four sacraments of reconciliation, namely baptism, Eucharist, penance and anointing of the sick. In the following responses, the focus of reconciliation will be on the sacraments of penance and the Eucharist.

Throughout it must be remembered that access to worthy reception of the Eucharist is open to any Catholic who is in the state of grace. If a Catholic falls from the state of grace because of grave sin, the normal means of return to the state of grace is by means of worthy reception of the sacrament of penance.

Further, when we receive the sacrament of penance worthily, we have direct access not only to the merciful forgiveness of God through the ministry of the priest confessor, but we are also in direct communion with the supportive prayer of the church at large in our efforts to address and cope with the sinful dimensions of our lives.

None of the responses are to be regarded as complete, but it is hoped that they will help to rectify some misconceptions and inaccuracies about the teaching of the church.

Question: I am divorced and have remarried without an annulment. Does living in this state automatically excommunicate me from the church?

No. However, you do not have access to the sacraments of penance and/or the Eucharist until your situation is rectified relative to the church.

May I still receive the sacraments of the church including reconciliation and Communion even though I will not be changing my life circumstances?

NOT until and unless you are able to rectify your situation. You are in a new marriage relationship. As matters now stand, your new marriage cannot be recognized as a valid sacrament by the church because of the injunction of our Lord, as related in the Gospel of Matthew (19: 3-9). A meeting with your parish priest may prove helpful in determining what you might be able to do to address the situation.

Meanwhile, do not forget that Pope John Paul II wants you to maintain as close a formal contact with the church as your present circumstances permit: including, e.g., participation in Sunday and holy day Mass; baptism, catechesis, religious and sacramental formation of your children (cf., the Pope’s Apostolic Exhortation, Familiaris consortio [1982]).

I am civilly divorced and have remarried after an annulment. Must I receive the sacrament of reconciliation before receiving Communion?

It depends upon the circumstances. There are at least three layers to your question.

1. If you are talking about a CIVIL annulment only, the church does NOT accept that a civil annulment of itself means that your previous marriage can be regarded as invalid or null in the eyes of the Catholic Church. Therefore, if you have remarried “outside” the church, you are in the same situation as the divorced person in the previous question. And I refer you to the response given above.
2. If you have received an ECCLESIASTICAL decree of nullity from the Catholic Church you should get in touch with your parish priest if you entered your new marriage “outside” the Catholic Church. A number of issues will need to be considered, including, e.g., the status of your current spouse. Is your current spouse able to marry you according to the norms of the Catholic Church? Your parish priest will be able to advise you on how to rectify your situation, depending upon the circumstances of your new marriage.
3. If you have received an ECCLESIASTICAL decree of nullity from the Catholic Church, have you remarried according to the norms of the Catholic Church? If the answer is YES, then you have the same right of access to the sacraments as any other Catholic. If you have some reason to doubt the status of your present marriage, you will need to ask your parish priest about this matter.

I realize that I am gay, but I have not to this point involved myself in the gay lifestyle. May I receive Communion before going to the sacrament of reconciliation?

It would seem that you are living a chaste life. All persons, married or widowed or celibate or single or divorced, heterosexual or homosexual, straight or gay, old or young, male or female, all of us without exception are called to live a life of chastity. If, because of a serious lapse or grave failure to live according to the virtue of chastity or if for any other reason, a Catholic person falls from the state of grace, the normal path of return to the state of grace is by means of the sacrament of penance. No matter what a person’s sexual orientation may be, any Catholic person can receive the Eucharist as long as he or she is in the state of grace. A person’s sexual orientation is not equivalent to and is not to be confused with a sinful way of life.

I habitually engage in homosexual activity. Should I receive the sacrament of reconciliation if there is little chance that I can really turn my lifestyle around?

My advice to you is to take your situation one day at a time. Put your trust in God that he will help you to live a chaste life. If you find that you fall from the state of grace, turn to him in the sacrament of penance, followed by worthy reception of the Eucharist. Along with sincere sorrow for sin (contrition), a firm purpose of amendment is also necessary. Do you knowingly put yourself in circumstances that give rise to occasions of grave sin? If you do, ask God to help you to deal with that kind of situation. And try to give God a chance to help you to deal with whatever gravely sinful situations arise in your own life. Never forget that God always appreciates your sincere efforts to be faithful to him. God is never outdone in compassion and mercy when a person is doing his or her best in the difficult situations that have to be contended with in trying to live a life of grace. God gave us the sacrament of penance to help us face and cope with the sinful areas of our lives. Despite our ongoing failures in whatever sinful areas with which we have to deal (sexual or otherwise), if our dispositions are right and we are trying make an honest effort, God is only too anxious to give us all the help we need even if we to keep picking up the pieces after our falls from grace, however these may occur. (See also [at the conclusion of the final question in this series] the advice of Pope Paul VI to priest confessors.)

I had an abortion as a teenager. I am now married and the mother of two children. May I receive Communion with my family without first going to the sacrament of reconciliation?

Any person in the state of grace can receive the Eucharist worthily. I would advise you to discuss your situation with a parish priest. Certainly, abortion is a grave sin. A person is guilty of grave sin if one freely and knowingly undergoes a completed abortion or if one forces a person to do so. A person under 18 who undergoes an abortion or who cooperates with or compels another to do so does not incur the automatic penalty of excommunication that is attached to this grave sin. Nonetheless, a person can still sin gravely in this area even if the automatic excommunication has not been incurred. Where it applies, the penalty of excommunication is imposed to make clear the gravity of what an abortion entails. Even so, the church does not thereby intend to restrict the scope of God’s mercy, which is infinite.

The normal course of reconciliation for any Catholic person who is in grave sin is by means of the sacrament of penance.

You had an abortion as a teenager. If you have already had this matter addressed within the sacrament of penance, it would seem that you have already rectified that situation with God and with the church. If you have not done this, I have a two-fold suggestion. 1) that you make an act of perfect contrition asking God to give you whatever degree of forgiveness you need from him; 2) that you follow up on this by having recourse to the sacrament of penance as soon as you can so that you can be assured of whatever degree of forgiveness is necessary in your circumstances. And even if you had incurred the penalty of excommunication, confessors in this archdiocese have been given the faculty by the archbishop to remit that penalty. In a word, if access to the sacrament of penance is necessary in your case, any priest confessor in this archdiocese can deal with the matter and reassure you of the forgiveness that is readily forthcoming from God and is there for the asking. God would want you to put this sad matter completely behind you and to get on with your life in full communion with him in the church.

I cheated on an exam at school. May I receive Communion at our school Mass before going to the sacrament of reconciliation? I would be embarrassed not to receive the sacrament in front of my friends.

It depends upon the circumstances and the kind of cheating. Did it result in a grave injustice to yourself or to some other person, e.g., did you thereby deprive yourself or another person of a scholarship that would be essential for you or for that other person to be able to continue your/his/her education? The cheating would have to be very serious before it could be classified as a grave sin, i.e., of such gravity that you had fallen from the state of grace. If there is doubt about the gravity of the sin, you should give yourself the benefit of the doubt. However, even if grave sin is not involved in your case, this matter must not be treated lightly and by asking this question it is evident that you are not doing so. As previously mentioned, unless you have fallen from the state of grace, you have right of access to the Eucharist. However, while I hope that yours is not a situation of grave sin, I would also suggest that you include this matter in your next confession. Cheating, even if you were not caught, can involve some very serious consequences for you as well as for others and these cannot be taken lightly (e.g., expulsion from school). I also hope that your sad experience in this matter will teach you not to let it happen again.

I regularly go to a psychic in an attempt to seek information about my future. I feel that this knowledge helps me deal more effectively with the challenges of everyday life. May I receive Communion before receiving the sacrament of penance?

Unless you put yourself in a situation in which you fall from the state of grace, you can receive Communion. Be very careful about seeking the help of a psychic. There should not be a problem if the person to whom you have recourse is a competent professional who can guide you with integrity. Beware of incompetent persons and of quacks. They could inflict a lot of damage on you.

I missed Sunday Mass last week. May I receive Communion this Sunday even though I was unable to receive the sacrament of penance Saturday afternoon?

It depends upon the circumstances in which you missed Mass. Were you sick? Were you otherwise lawfully impeded? God does NOT expect or demand the IMPOSSIBLE but he does expect us to be reasonable and responsible in our approach to an obligation as serious as this precept of the church. It is not to be treated casually as if it were of little or no importance. Common sense can often indicate whether your reasons for missing Mass were justified or not. If you cannot honestly justify the circumstances, then you should avail yourself of the sacrament of penance. Especially in larger urban areas, the range of Mass times covering the time span from Saturday afternoon through Sunday evening makes it difficult to understand why Catholics would not make a reasonable effort to get to Mass.But there can be extenuating circumstances when this is just not possible.Remember what Our Lord has said: the Sabbath was made for persons, not persons for the Sabbath (cf., Mk.2: 27) but do not misuse or misinterpret what he had in mind.

I have active AIDS and see my life getting worse every day. I get every infection that comes along, I am always sick or in pain and am facing dialysis. I have decided that life is not worth living if it has to be like this. I am really thinking about taking things into my own hands and ending it all. Do I have to confess my thoughts about suicide? After all, this is a very depressing illness. Thoughts like this are natural.

Please set about seeking competent counseling. Your depression is understandable and is potentially extremely dangerous. I do not envy your position and would not want to exchange places with you. But I hope you can place your trust in God. Our Lord has been through the throes of depression (e.g., his Gethsemane experience). Your counselor might be able to put you in touch with a support group. God can work through counselors, friends and support groups. I hope you can find some and I encourage you to do so. Check with your parish about the possibility of sources of this kind. It is hard to imagine how thoughts of suicide can arise unless a person is heavily burdened with serious psychological issues. You are worried about your lack of confidence in God. God understands your dilemma and hopefully you will be able to discern some steps you can take to alleviate the burden. Be careful, though, about turning your back on avenues that might prove helpful in this painful and burdensome situation. God helps those who help themselves and hopefully he will give you some leads. You might also need to consider receiving the sacrament of the anointing of the sick.

I lied to my parents concerning my whereabouts Saturday night. May I receive Communion when we go to Mass together on Sunday morning? If I don’t receive the sacrament they might guess something is up.

Unless you have fallen from the state of grace because of your lies or because of the circumstances that have caused you to lie, you have right of access to the Eucharist. This is not to condone your dishonesty, which you should include when you confess your sins within the context of the sacrament of penance. In a situation of grave sin, a person should make an act of perfect contrition in circumstances where access to the Eucharist is gravely necessary before access to the sacrament of penance is possible. A person in this unique type of situation needs to avail himself of the sacrament of penance as soon as possible.

I am living with my fiancée. Since we will be married next year I feel this situation is acceptable. May I receive Communion at anytime before the wedding since, according to the church, I am living in sin?

Unfortunately, your situation is morally unacceptable. An intimate sexual relationship with a person of the opposite sex is authentic ONLY within the context of a valid marriage, no matter what one’s feelings are about the situation. This is not just a matter of feelings; it concerns the authenticity and integrity of your relationship with the person you claim to love and with whom you hope to spend the rest of your life after you have made the formal and binding commitment to do so within the context of a valid marriage. It would seem that neither you nor your fiancée remain in the state of grace by continuing to live in this intimate sexual situation outside of the commitment which is concomitant with a valid marriage and which cannot be regarded as authentic outside of the state of valid marriage. I have to tell you that the church regards your situation as inauthentic despite whatever good, sincere but misdirected intentions lie behind your decision to remain in this situation. A firm purpose of amendment is also necessary for a worthy reception of the sacrament of penance. There are also other serious issues involved here. The path to the sacrament to which you aspire should be one of grace. Your current lifestyle undermines that possibility both for yourself as well as for your fiancée. Further, the statistics are anything but bright for the long-term success of marriages entered into following upon a pattern such as yours. You should not seek access to the Eucharist while you are living in a state of grave sin. Grave sin needs to be remitted before access to the Eucharist is sought and the normal course in a situation such as yours is worthy reception of the sacrament of penance. This also needs to be undertaken for fruitful reception of the sacrament of matrimony.

I am uncomfortable with confession. I don’t like telling another person my faults and there are some priests I just don’t like. God knows I’m sorry. Isn’t that enough?

I do not know of anybody who is really comfortable with confession. After all, the kind of information which you are divulging about yourself is not what you would want published in your curriculum vitae or aired in the mass media or even in private conversation. Penance is the one sacrament where the officiating priest “publicizes” his presence in the sense that he puts out his “shingle” for all to see at the place of confession. (This gives people who are uncomfortable with a particular priest the opportunity to seek another confessor.) The fact that God knows you are sincerely sorry is, I would say, 90% of the battle. Unless a person has true contrition, the sacrament of penance is invalid. But the church has the authority to lay down how we address the matter of confession and forgiveness. And the church has directed that the normative way for Catholics to address this situation is by means of the sacrament of penance. By confessing one’s own sins to a priest, the penitent is acknowledging his/her own personal responsibility for the sinful matter in question. Therein lies the “catch” for many of us; to be willing to face up to and accept our own personal responsibility for our contribution to the sinful mess in question. Deep down, few if any of us, really like to own up and admit that we have done wrong.

I grew up in a family in which my father did a lot of swearing. Unfortunately I have acquired the habit myself and doubt that I could change as it is an instinctive reaction now when I become angry. Would confession be of any use?

YES, certainly. The sacrament of penance is God’s gift to us to help us to deal with the sinful areas of our lives. By placing this sinful area before God in the sacrament of penance, you are acknowledging your need for his help (and that of the praying church with which you are in communion in this sacrament) to deal with this sinful situation. There are times when many of us need to vent our frustrations but we need to do so in an appropriate (non sinful) manner. It might help in part if you could seek other more suitable outlets for dealing with the stress(es) that give rise to your anger and frustrations.

I have had an affair with a co-worker for six months. I feel that this is a harmless fling that provides me with the temporary rejuvenation that I need to face the many dreary challenges of married life. I want my marriage to last. My wife would be suspicious if I stopped going to Communion. On the other hand, it would be useless to go to confession before the affair is over. What should I do?

Adultery is a gravely sinful matter that you need to address within the context of the sacrament of penance before seeking access to the Eucharist. A person who would regard adultery as a harmless fling has a distorted view of reality and morality. This is no trivial matter. Marriage entails a commitment of fidelity to your wife “...for better or worse...” Life can get dreary for all of us but this does not dispense us from our obligations to moral integrity, including that of living a chaste life and of being faithful to the serious commitments which we have freely undertaken. We cannot have it both ways. You need to take steps immediately to address this situation before it gets further out of hand. There is too much at stake. Otherwise you may lose your wife and family with all of the hurt and pain and injustice that this would entail for them as well as for yourself. Equally important is the fact that you may cause serious disruption for the woman with whom you are involved, especially if she, too, is married. Company policy with regard to sexual liaisons with co-workers might also put her job and your job in jeopardy. There are too many serious and volatile issues at stake in your situation. You might also need to consider seeking some spiritual as well as professional counseling to deal with whatever serious issues may be underlying your present pattern of unacceptable behavior.

I was at Marshalls last week and found a really cool pair of athletic shoes at a great price. The only problem was that I didn’t have that much cash with me. So, I just switched the price tag on the bottom of the shoes with the tag on a cheaper pair and got what I could afford. I didn’t really steal anything; I paid for the shoes. Must I go to confession before I receive Communion?

You are right to be concerned because you behaved dishonestly. I believe you did steal from the store in question. You changed the tag and deprived the store of the difference in the price of the item in question. You deceived the store and deprived it of what it was due by paying less than the correct amount. That is stealing. Stealing is sinful. The gravity of the sin would depend upon the amount of money involved. The gravity would become more serious if a store employee was penalized because the item in question appeared to carry the incorrect price tag. If you have deprived yourself of the state of grace because of your particular contravention of the Seventh Commandment, then you would need to receive worthily the sacrament of penance before you seek access to the Eucharist. Further, forgiveness of the sin of stealing also binds you to make restitution to the store for the amount of money in question. I can understand that this could be difficult and embarrassing for you and might leave you open to court action. If so, you can always look into the possibility of making restitution anonymously to the store through a third party. Giving the amount of money in question to the Saint Vincent de Paul Society or to some other worthy cause or charity does not constitute restitution in this case. The refund owed belongs to the store in question and must be made to that store.

My best friend got a two-carat diamond for her 25th wedding anniversary. It made my engagement ring look so puny that I have stopped wearing it. My husband is upset with me, but I don’t care what he thinks. If he were willing to sacrifice some he could get an even bigger one for me. Just wanting something so much isn’t wrong is it? I can’t imagine that this could require confession!

Your sense of values seems to be skewed. When you accepted the ring from him, you acknowledged his love for you and your love for him. What matters most is the spirit in which that ring was given and accepted. If there were not genuine love between the two of you, the ring would have been a sham, irrespective of its monetary value. Wanting something so much does not seem to be wrong provided the reasons behind the want make sense and are reasonable. Your motivation seems to be competitive and even immature. Count your blessings. A good spouse can never be reduced to monetary terms.

I don’t believe that I have committed any mortal sins since my last confession. May I go to Communion even though I surely have committed some venial sins? Do these venial sins ever have to be confessed?

Not being in mortal sin means that you are in the state of grace. Venial sin does not deprive you of worthy access to the Eucharist. You should avail yourself of the sacrament of penance on a reasonably regular basis. You thereby acknowledge in an important formal and definite manner, your need for God’s grace and help in dealing with the sinful areas of your life that are reflected in your venial sins. You are also expressing your determination to do something positive and effective about addressing those same sinful areas. Further, you are thereby cooperating with God’s grace in seeking to prevent yourself from slipping down a slope leading to more serious sin. Hopefully, our experience of receiving God’s mercy and forgiveness will spur us to be more compassionate, merciful, forgiving and reconciling in our dealings with one another.

I am using birth control. I do not plan on stopping this practice because I don’t want to have children. Should I take this to confession because I don’t plan on stopping? May I receive Communion when I go to Mass because I embrace all the church’s teachings except their teachings on birth control?

This is a very delicate area and is best addressed on a one-to-one basis with your spiritual director or in pastoral counseling with your priest. Your motivation is contrary to the official teaching of the church (as reiterated by recent Popes—Pius XI, Paul VI and John Paul II). As Catholics we are bound to accept this as the official teaching of the church and we are expected to abide by it.

There are available morally acceptable methods of family planning but even these must be exercised within the context of responsible parenthood. Further information can be obtained in your parish. If this teaching poses a great and genuine difficulty for you, please bear in mind the compassionate directive of Pope Paul VI to priests:

In their difficulties, may married couples always find, in the words and the heart of a priest, the echo of the voice and love of the Redeemer.... Teach married couples the great need of prayer, help them to come with great faith to the sacraments of the Eucharist and of penance and encourage them never to lose heart whatever their weakness.

In these words, Pope Paul VI gives a fitting summary of the ministry of reconciliation.