By Paula Day

Reports of Archbishop Eugene Marino's relationship with Vicki Long plunged laity in the archdiocese into shock and sadness.

The sharing of feelings -- pain, humiliation, affection and forgiveness -- was important to many following the disclosure. Lay leaders of groups and movements in the archdiocese expressed their own responses to the news with varied comment.

Cathy and Jerry Monda, lead couple in Marriage Encounter, were in New Orleans when the news of the relationship became public. During celebration of a Mass there, someone offered prayers "for the Church in Atlanta" and Jerry Monda began to cry. He said he thought he had worked through his feelings but that made him realize it will take a while to do this.

Initially he found the news very difficult to accept. He was shocked, angered, disappointed. When other allegations began to surface, he began to doubt the truth of the reports. He wondered where it would all end and what it will mean for the Church, especially for the Church in Georgia where the Catholic community does not have an extensive support system.

He concluded, "The Lord will take care of His Church, as He has one for 2,000 years."

Cathy Monda said, "People will have to talk this thing out. Talking will help us realize that the man is a human being, and we're all susceptible to doing things that are not right." Both agreed that the subject will surface during meetings of Marriage Encounter couples because "the archbishop is very much on everybody's mind right now." By talking it through and sharing their feelings, the Mondas believe the couples will deal with the tragedy.

"All Marriage Encounter couples are given a communication technique to deal with problems in their relationship and other problems," Jerry Monda pointed out. "This technique is dialogue and we should be using it to help work through this problem."

Paul Grutsch is the lay coordinator for the Archdiocesan Servants Committee, a group that oversees the Catholic Charismatic renewal in the archdiocese. He noted, "We have this preoccupation with sexual troubles."

"It seems to me," he said, "that Peter's betrayal of Jesus three times is worse, yet Jesus forgave him and made him pope. And Peter lived with Jesus! We ask 'How could he do it?' but he did. We need to realize that Jesus forgave him and allowed him to be pope. We need to extend forgiveness to both individuals involved. For all we know, Vicki Long could be a modern Mary Magdalene. Through prayer, all is possible."

Ernesto Perez represents the Hispanic community on the parish council of Immaculate Heart of Mary parish. He believes the rule of celibacy should be questioned.

"I have personally seen some very charismatic priests leave Holy Orders," Perez said. "Peter was married, wasn't he? Historically the pros and cons of celibacy have been weighed; we may have to weigh this issue again and decide which is best today."

Perez believes the length of time it took the Church to reveal the reason for Archbishop Marino's resignation "may harm the Church more than what Archbishop Marino did."

Speaking for the Hispanic community, Perez said everyone is saddened.

"I haven't heard anyone speak negatively of the archbishop. Everybody was in love with him. In fact, he has Hispanic roots and the Hispanic community has lost a great ally."

"Initially, I felt shock and betrayal," commented Matt Brennan, director of the post-Cursillo group in the archdiocese. "We're all human, but as an archbishop of the Church, and at his age and his station in the Church, he should have risen above this type of temptation. He should have fought such a temptation better than the average person."

Brennan said he moved on from those feelings, realizing "we are all every bit as much of the Catholic Church as Archbishop Marino. We all have equal responsibility, whether hierarchy or laity, for the salvation of the world. Regardless of what one individual may do we are all the Church. The Church is going to move on ... Tragedies like this could be catalysts and make the Church move on."

Brennan said communities of believing Christians can help each other during such crises. When he met with 45 men to plan a Labor Day Cursillo weekend two weeks ago, "a pall hung over the group." Brennan has seen that change in the last two weeks. The men have talked, shared their feelings, supported one another. "It doesn't make the feelings go away," he concluded, "but it helps us stand up under pressure and endure and carry on."

Molly McCarthy, youth minister for St. Joseph's parish in Marietta, said her daughter, who had been confirmed by Archbishop Marino, felt a personal hurt. But this opened an avenue for a "healthy discussion about Archbishop Marino's humanity, that it's human to make mistakes, that we all need forgiveness and understanding." She hopes parents will take the opportunity to talk about such things with their youth.

Mrs. McCarthy pointed out that although Catholics may at times not agree with situations in the Church, "that doesn't mean we quit."

"It shows how strong our faith is - that someone as highly respected, admired and loved can make a mistake and we don't abandon him and we don't abandon our faith."

Mary Ellen Hughes, director of the archdiocesan Office of Family Concerns, scheduled two sessions to aid healing for members of her staff and representatives of groups in the archdiocese directly involved with family life.

She arranged for a consultant licensed in both clinical psychology and marriage and family therapy to lead them toward healing by putting them in touch with their own feelings.

Participants taking part represented Retrouvaille, Engaged Encounter, Marriage Encounter, Sponsor Couple training program, Pre-Cana guest speakers coordinator, Beginning Experience.

Some of the leaders attending the first session mentioned feeling battered by inappropriate questions from the outside community.

Saying something to the effect that "I don't think I'm going to answer that" is all the response such queries warrant, the consultant told them. He advised them to get into a posture where they didn't feel they have to be defensive and also to feel that they didn't have to make a judgement.

Ms. Hughes said it was helpful to hear that most people in the group were hearing compassion from the parish and group communities, "particularly St. Jude's."

She said the session concluded with participants focusing on their own roles in the parish family. They looked at their own responsibility in putting priests "on pedestals, a lonely, isolated place to be." Most said they wanted to bring their priests "into their families more," and be more available to them. "We're all human beings and fragile," they agreed.

"Everyone felt more whole when we left," Ms. Hughes commented. "There was something healing about having permission to have negative feelings. Once you've been able to do that it's amazing how your positive feelings have more power."

Rhonwyn Rogers, head of the Office for Black Catholic Ministry in the archdiocese, said she has allowed her family and friends to share her pain and sadness. "We have been supportive of each other."

The situation "has encouraged me to go back to the Scriptures," she said.

She would encourage others "who can find little understanding, make any sense out of what is happening, to remember there are times when the best of us fall short. It is during these times, when we fall, that we can allow God to come in and pick up the pieces."

"These are times when we have to reach out and hold fast to what we believe in. I believe God knows a sincere heart. I believe truth will prevail, no matter how difficult it may be."

She said she has found encouragement in the way the people in the ecumenical community "have allowed the grace of God to come through them and be forgiving."

Their kindness has helped her "to realize, during the past week, that some of the actions that we have heard about are not for us to make judgements about."