By Paula Day

Foster homes and the care they provide newborn babies is a small but crucial part of the Crisis Pregnancy Program of the archdiocese. They provide the link between the birth mother and the adoptive parents, when a baby is being given in adoption through Catholic Social Services.

The four-year-old foster home program is administered by Jean Reiss as part of CSS which is located at the Catholic Center in midtown Atlanta.

Seven couples in the Atlanta area are foster parents for the program. Carl and Kate Calcaterra of St. Gabriel's Mission in Fayetteville joined CSS' program two years ago. Marrilee and Thomas Helmer of Holy Family parish in Marietta are "charter members," as one of the original six couples selected from 1,100 who responded to requests when the program began in 1983. Both couples agree that their involvement in foster parenting is a rewarding experience.

The Calcaterra's are actually "old hands" at being foster parents. Before their oldest, Maria, 19, was born, they provided temporary homes for children for Clayton County's Family and Children's Services.

"We saw an ad on TV about the need and had a baby in two weeks," Carl Calcaterra recalls. That was 20 years and 55 foster children ago.

"We've had five babies from Catholic Social Services," his wife, Kate Calcaterra adds. "Rachel, J.J., Lisa, Benjamin and Gabriella. The foster parents can name the baby; adoptive parents, of course, can change the name." The Calcaterras chose the name Gabriella for their latest foster child because their parish mission had just been named St. Gabriel. "She's the first baby of the mission," Mrs. Calcaterra explains.

"Her name is still under protest," insists son Joseph, 18, who had just come home from college. "I wasn't here when they chose it." Joseph is afraid when Gabriella gets older she'll be nicknamed "Gabby."

The whole Calcaterra family gets involved in foster parenting -- creating, in fact, a foster family. As well as deciding together to accept a particular baby, they vote on a name, and care for the infant -- feeding, bathing, changing diapers -- whatever it takes.

"We've never voted 'no,'" Maria Calcaterra says, "although Christopher wanted to change his vote, once."

Christopher, 16, was 10 when a five-year-old "invaded his territory."

"I loved her to death," Christopher recalls, putting a special emphasis on the last word. "She got my goat." The rest of the family tells how Christopher exploded: "You pay more attention to her than to me. You tie her shoes for her. You do everything for her," finally getting out his frustration.

Catholic Social Services' adoption program places only infants in foster homes as part of its Crisis Pregnancy Program. To safeguard the birth mother's legal right to change her mind, the foster parents keep the infant a minimum of 10 days before any adoptive parents are informed that an infant is available.

Only one in 30 mothers with whom the Crisis Pregnancy Program works surrenders her child for adoption, according to Jean Reiss, who handles adoptions for CSS. "The seven foster families are enough to meet the need (for foster homes). We try to place one infant a month, which means a couple would have one or two a year. They'd like to have three or four or five."

The foster parents "all seem so relaxed about it," Mrs. Reiss says. "Sometimes they only have an hour's notice (that a baby needs a foster home). I try to give them more. It doesn't disrupt their lives. These are experienced parents who have had their own children."

Kate Calcaterra agrees. "Babies are pretty mobile. I'm not tied down." She has taken them to basketball games where Joseph's teammates crowded around asking questions to which she replied with serious humor, "This is what happens when you go out and mess around."

She has taken them to high school family-and-child-care classes where 15-year-olds have observed while she demonstrated how to bathe a baby. The teenagers ask, "How could someone give up her baby?" Kate Calcaterra tells them, "It's an act of love. It's wonderful she didn't have an abortion but had the baby and it can go to someone who doesn't have children."

She has taken the babies to a senior citizen's friendship center where members keep a collage of the babies' pictures on the mantel.

"One old woman at the center was holding Lisa and she began to cry," Mrs. Calcaterra recalls. "Forty-seven years ago her daughter had had twins and gave them up but held it against her. The woman had kept it inside all that time."

The Calcaterra family claim they have the glamorous part when people ask, "How do you do it?"

"We get the baby and have fun. We don't have to worry about orthodontists' bills or college." The hard part is done by the mother who decides not to have an abortion, Carl Calcaterra believes. The couple feels being foster parents is their contribution to their commitment to being "pro-life."

Giving up each child is difficult, family members agree. "We cry. We have very mixed emotions. We're happy, because we took the baby for this. It's going to be good for it." The longer a baby stays, the more difficult the eventual separation.

Maria remembers how hard it was to let Lisa go. They had had her for three months because she was biracial and more difficult to place. Mrs. Calcaterra was off work the day his wife was putting away the "baby stuff" after Lisa's leaving. "I never realized how hard it is to do this," he recalls telling her.

The couple spent the whole day putting a little away, taking time to cry and then returning to the task of packing baby things for the next call from CSS.

Carl Calcaterra explains, "They start smiling after five weeks, and begin to be interesting -- forming a personality. You feel like you're losing a person." Kate Calcaterra recalls, "I'd say to Benjamin, 'Don't start smiling' and he'd grin. 'You're supposed to save that for your new mommy and daddy.'"

The couple has toyed with the idea of adopting but dismissed it. They realized they probably would not have the needed energy for parenting when the child reached its teen years. Agency rules prohibit foster parents from keeping an infant they've cared for so the processes of adopting and foster parenting are separated.

The Calcaterras praise CSS' sensitivity to the foster parents' pain of separation. "All babies before died to us," Kate Calcaterra says, since state adoption agencies do not facilitate or encourage adoptive parents and foster parents to make contact or keep up communication.

For two years, CSS' adoption office has hosted a get-together at Christmas time for adoptive and foster parents. The foster parents get a chance to see how the babies have developed. The adoptive parents "like to show off the kids. It's like a family reunion," Mrs. Reiss says. "There are flash bulbs going off all over the place."

This sensitivity is extended to the adoptive parents as well. The foster parents take pictures of the infant from the day it comes into their home. Later these are given to the adoptive parents "so they can feel they haven't missed the first two weeks," Jean Reiss explains.

The agency involves foster parents in the child's placement. They bring the infant to meet the adoptive parents and give them details about feeding and sleeping habits, formula -- any details they've observed while caring for the child. As Jean Reiss points out, "They are the people who know the child better than anyone else."

While the Crisis Pregnancy Office does not force adopting couples to keep in touch with the foster parents, it does ask them to send a picture of the baby at six months. Mrs. Reiss shares these with the foster parents.

What motivates couples to participate in the foster parenting program? Motives vary, according to Mrs. Reiss, and the agency carefully screens applicants. Kate Calcaterra grew up in a family where having foster children was part of its life. She says matter-of-factly, "My parents were foster parents."

Marrilee Helmer, on the other hand, grew up in an orphanage. As a young adult, she helped in an institution where unwanted babies -- children with handicaps -- were taken care of. "I've seen the other side," she says.

Mrs. Helmer feels she is blessed because, unlike so many wives today, she doesn't have to work to "help make ends meet," and she can give time for the nurturing that is essential for newborn infants. She also admits that after the baby leaves, she cries and tells herself, "I'm not doing this again," but the next day is ready for another baby.

What both families share is a faith that supports their commitment. "I don't have time for prayer," Marrilee Helmer says, "so feeding time is prayer time. I slow down, take it easy. It's like the baby is Jesus visiting us. It's the beautiful presence of Jesus there, not a formal prayer."

Carl Calcaterra insists foster parenting is "no big thing. There are a lot of players" (in the crisis pregnancy program), he points out. "We're only 'second string,'" Maria Calcaterra adds.

"They might be a small part," Jean Reiss says, "but they're crucial. They give the birth parents time to make a freer decision. Foster parents are the middle link between birth parents and adoptive parents. I don't know where we'd be without them.