By Gretchen Keiser

Those who are having trouble in their marriage, even those who are divorced, but who want to take a “second look” at their marriage, are invited to consider a new program called Retrouvaille.

The program comes from French Canada where it began in 1977. (The name means a second look and is pronounced Re-trou-vi.) Father Bob Poandl, Glenmary pastor in north Georgia, and several married couples whose personal experiences and background in other marriage and parish programs relate to this area, have been preparing for several months to launch Retrouvaille in the archdiocese. It will begin the weekend of Sept. 13 - 15.

In an interview, the couples said that Retrouvaille, which begins with a weekend and continues over a three-month follow-up period to support healing and communication in the marriage, can reach couples in many different types of hurtful situations.

One of the Atlanta area couples, who asked not to be identified, had themselves separated and contemplated divorce at a point in their marriage over 10 years ago. They did not have the benefit of a support program as they struggled, successfully, to forgive and reestablish trust and hope in their marriage, but have hoped to see such a program available to help others in the same situation. “Hearing our story...perhaps people in that situation will not give up” on their marriage, the husband said. “During our troubled times, no one ever told us a success story,” his wife added.

On the other hand, the program “is not just for people who are experiencing traumatic things,” said another one of the men involved. “They may not even be thinking about separation and divorce. They may be having functional problems.”

“The pain of unemployment, the experience of unemployment,” he continued. “Forty percent of families going through divorce, unemployment is a factor. It seems to bring out all the pain” in a marriage relationship.

The program focuses not upon the particular problems in a marriage, but “on the technique of communication” with “an emphasis on forgiveness and healing,” said Father Poandl, who is pastor of St. Francis of Assisi parish in Blairsville. In order to approach specific problems in any marriage, couples “have to start trusting again and go about rebuilding their relationship,” he said.

Because of the pain involved and the complexity of specific problems, “a lot of times they have talked about (problems), but they have never communicated,” Father Poandl said. During the presentations, three couples and Father Poandl will be “showing them how communication works and inviting them to do the same.”

Privacy is emphasized and after listening to the presentations, couples talk alone with each other the team members said. After the weekend, which begins Friday evening and ends Sunday evening and takes place at an Atlanta area hotel, there are follow-up sessions over 12 weeks, designed to strengthen the steps taken during the first weekend. Only the couples who went through the original weekend take part in the continuing sessions.

The couples and Father Poandl have worked extensively in Marriage Encounter, among other programs, in the past and have heard the complaint that ME and many other church programs only reach marriages which do not have major difficulties. One of the couples, who worked in parish renewal and in Marriage Encounter, said through the parish work “we began to sense the hurt and pain” in many marriages. “We sensed something about the problems of divorced people and there not being any program for hurting marriages,” the husband said.

Although he and his wife have been active in Marriage Encounter, he also said a training period for the Retrouvaille program, he and his wife “uncovered a lot of pain in our own relationship” and experienced “ a lot of healing.”

The couples emphasized that the program is not a “quick fix” for serious problems, but a beginning for those who really want to work through difficulties and restore relationships.

Priests in the archdiocese have been invited to make information about Retrouvaille available to couples and to refer couples. Couples may also make contact with the registering couple for Retrouvaille if they are interested in the program.

Some of the guidelines for the program are that both the husband and wife must be willing to attend the weekend and the follow-up sessions. Other guidelines cover the possibility of alcohol and drug abuse and extramarital involvement by a husband or wife. Those areas will be discussed with the couple taking registration for the weekend.

Although Retrouvaille is a Catholic program, it is open to all couples, including the interfaith marriages, and couples from other denominations. One of the couples emphasized that Retrouvaille is not intended to be a renewal for the Church, but a reaching out by the Church.

“The goal is the Church’s reaching into the marriage to help them to heal,” she said. “This is a gift of the Church.”