By Gretchen Keiser

Concern among counselors, teachers and religious educators about the struggles of children who have experienced a family divorce is leading to the introduction of a special program for the children.

“Rainbows For All God’s Children” hopes to provide a setting for children, ranging in age from early grades through high school, to meet regularly with others their own age who are experiencing the same or similar situations. The program, designed by a Chicago mother, who is a single parent, and a priest from the archdiocese of Chicago, is for children who have suffered the loss of a parent through separation, divorce or death, and for children living in step families. An adult who is trained to guide discussion and activities will lead each group.

“The real foundation is that it is a nurturing support group,” says Diane Huey, who is volunteer coordinator of the “Rainbows” program for the archdiocese. A counselor who works in several parishes, Ms. Huey is also a single parent and the mother of two teenaged sons, who is aware of the need she and her sons have had at different stages of their family life for support and encouragement.

While support groups have come about for adults who are going through separation, divorce or widowhood, children are often left out, Ms. Huey said. Their parents often are too overwhelmed by their own response to the separation or divorce, and by the resulting financial and lifestyle changes, to help the children. The Chicago founder, Suzy Yehl, designed the program to help children move through the stages of grieving and to help them understand the conflicting feelings they have. Among the themes that are focused upon are self esteem and trust, anger and loneliness, forgiveness and God. For each age group there are different activities and discussion built around a single theme; “Rainbows” is made up of two six week sessions of weekly discussion groups that last about 45 minutes each. At the end of each of the two sessions, there is a “Celebration Day” with a family focus, a liturgy and an emphasis on forgiveness and reconciliation.

The Archdiocese of Chicago, which has hundreds of Catholic schools, implemented the program through schools and now has over 5,000 children involved. In Atlanta, it is hoped that it will be parish-based, drawing children from the parish, religious education programs as well as from Catholic schools, if the parish has one.

It is expected that the program will “start small,” with interested parishes and people taking part in a training workshop Oct. 6 to be conducted in Atlanta by Suzy Yehl and Diane Huey. While “Rainbows” is being brought to the archdiocese through the Department of Education, the specific way in which it will be put in place will be decided at the parish level.

The concern expressed by those who work with children, either as counselors or as teachers, is that they are too young to understand their feelings about what is happening in their families or cope with them without help. In the classroom, kids may become withdrawn or act aggressive and their grades may suffer.

“It can be a real scary time for the child if the teacher is not sensitive to what they are going through,” Ms. Huey said. “Some of their friends may abandon them because of their own fears about divorce...Sometimes kids feel they are to blame (for the divorce). Sometimes parents tell them they are to blame.”

Different reactions may also surface at different times, she said, either because children reach a critical new stage, such as adolescence, or because parents act in a new way, such as starting to date. Even older children can struggle with great fears of abandonment, she said, recalling the terrified reaction of one of her sons when she came home a few minutes late one night. “I worry when you don’t come home on time,” he said. “What would happen to me if you didn’t come home?”

Children who have experienced a death in the family may have similar concerns, Diane Huey said, but usually they do not feel as isolated because people tend to react instinctively and with compassion to children whose parents have died. One of her hopes for the program is that single parents in parishes will feel the Church reaching out to them through “Rainbows” and not experience a sense of alienation from the Church.

Deacon Richard Narey of Holy Cross, one of the parishes where “Rainbows” will be implemented this fall, said in his 10 years as a teacher and director of parish religious education programs, he has seen a need for such a program. “Young people really don’t talk about divorce or how it’s affecting them personally,” he said. “This program will give them an outlet to share feelings -- which they really need.”

Ms. Huey, who is a parishioner at Holy Cross and a counselor in the parish, said that she personally sought out the resources of the Church and its strengths at the time of her divorce, but that she is concerned that other people do not. “My fear is a lot of people leave (the church) because they feel isolated,” she said. When letters go out to parishioners this fall describing the program, she hopes it will be a sign of the Church’s concern.

The program was also welcomed by those in two parishes who already have experience counseling children.

Roseanne Bowen of St. Jude’s parish, who developed a similar program for St. Jude’s school five years ago because of the growing need among parish children, said that “Rainbows” is a “godsend.”

“Rainbows is an excellent program because it combines the psychological and spiritual,” said Mrs. Bowen, who is religion coordinator at the school in Sandy Springs.

Among the elements of the program which surpassed what Mrs. Bowen had devised on her own were the division into age groups, she said, and the inclusion of children who have suffered a death in the family.

Jacki Rychlicki, who is minister for Christian education at St. Anthony’s parish West End, also said that there was a great need for the program and said that incorporating it into the parish was one of her “major goals” for the coming year.

“As adults from a generation before, we may not be realizing what these children are suffering and covering up,” she said.

“(Divorce) is a whole lot harder to deal with than we allow ourselves to accept.”

The program will create a place where children can speak freely without judgments upon their families, where they “can’t fail, they can’t do anything wrong, and they can still be with people,” Mrs. Rychlicki said.

“Our children need to learn the skills to deal with hurts” that will not just occur once in life, but which will recur at different stages of life, she said. “It’s a skill for forgiveness and a skill for healing.”