By Monsignor Noel C. Burtenshaw

Let’s call her Jane. She is like just about any other mother of two young children. Her hands are full. She gets tired and frustrated as she cares for her little ones and her husband.

Things are normal for Jane.

But it wasn’t always so.

There was a time when caring for a two-year-old and a four-year-old made each day a nightmare for Jane. “I did not physically abuse my children,” says this young Norcross mother. “But, emotionally, I certainly did. I brought pressure to bear on them, the home and myself.”

Jane sought out a counselor but could get no peace and family living was beginning to become intolerable. “I really did not know where to turn. I knew it could not be the children’s fault, but I wanted to blame them for my bad feelings every day. You can just tell what this did to my husband and my marriage.”

What could this dejected parent do? She joined Parents Anonymous. “It was my savior,” says Jane with a sigh of relief. “People, for some reason, tend to see P.A. as a group of people who are child beaters trying to stop physical abuse. But they’re not. They are, for the most part, parents who are trying to cope with family.”

There are parents who have physically abused their children in P.A., but mostly they are people who share who and what they are to each other. “I have been a member for three years now,” says an obviously happy Jane, “and I feel so much better. I was nervous going at first, but the understanding you get is unbeatable.”

Jane and mothers like her, have trouble facing daily problems that affect their children. They are reluctant to speak about these problems; they hide it, conceal it and then explode with anger as they find themselves unable to cope.

“Sometimes it is a small problem like the kids messing up the floor and sometimes it can be a big problem. It makes no difference; I can bring it to our group.”

Last year Jane discovered that an older boy had made some sexual suggestions to her young sons. “I could not talk to my friends about it,” says Jane. “I felt very bad about it so I took it to my group. I knew they would understand. I got a lot of help – not for my sons, they were fine – I got the help for me.”

Parents Anonymous is a group of parents who help each other by sharing their problems. It is not an arena for divorce and family counseling. It will not substitute for in-depth clinical counseling if that is needed. It is a place to grow and heal by hearing the experiences of others.

“I thought I was the only one with this problem,” says Jane. “I found out I was not. That in itself was a healing experience for me. Many others find that kind of help, too.”

Jane now goes a couple of times a month to her Parents Anonymous meeting. Meetings are run by a man and a woman who are called “sponsors.”

“You can call the sponsors if you need help,” say Jane. “They are always helpful. But you can call other members, too. I often do when I’m having a bad day. This is one of the great benefits of our program.”

At the meeting someone having a problem with children or home will ask for “time.” Others pick up the discussion, always sharing their own experience in handling a similar problem. Parents Anonymous does not say, “Do this”; it says, “Here’s what I did.”

Abusing a child, even emotionally, can wreck lives, homes and marriages. Couples feel there are no answers. Parents Anonymous steps in and says there are indeed answers. Millions have been helped.

If you are “losing your cool with your children,” call P.A. at 688-0581.