By Don and Rose Marie Nicosia

The Nicosias are parishioners at Holy Cross Church in Atlanta.

When Rose Marie and I recall the Lenten seasons of our childhood, above all else we remember Lent as a period of great personal sacrifice. That annual threatening question, "What are you giving up for Lent?" always seemed to be such a negative way to start those 40 days.

We realize now that it might have been, instead, a very positive time in which we could have reflected on the meaning of our existence, on death, and on the promise of the resurrected Christ. Denying ourselves candy was not a very effective approach to thinking about Christ's sacrifice for us because soon our preoccupation was not on renewed life, but on how many days were left before we could gorge ourselves on chocolate!

Keeping this in mind now as we attempt to guide our three children and ourselves in ways to come closer to the Lord, we decided to make Lent a time of positive actions. Through these actions Lent hopefully will become not an end in itself, but a recognizable link to Easter. To do this we have relied on a number of books and pamphlets that are filled with ideas for families. We'd like to share these resources and some of the activities that have worked for us.

Since our three children's ages are quite diverse, with Andrea 14, Donna 12, and Mark 6, it is a real challenge to come up with activities that are interesting and meaningful to all, including of course, Mom and Dad. (Sometimes it's especially difficult for Dad to get into the spirit of the activities because he's taken life seriously for so long). At first I felt a little uncomfortable until I realized that in a loving family relationship it's alright to let yourself go. Once I rid myself of the stereotyped image of how Dad is supposed to act, I actually started to enjoy myself!

One of the books that we would recommend, not only for Lent, but also for every conceivable family prayer circumstance, is Game Huck's A Book Of Family Prayer. Chapter five contains 28 pages on Lent. Mr. Huck reminds us that by ancient custom the alleluia is not spoken or sung during Lent. He suggests renewing the custom of actually burying the alleluias before Lent. Last year, on the Tuesday before Ash Wednesday, we all dressed up in our favorite Mardi Gras costumes. With a spade, an empty show box, several beautiful alleluias drawn on colored paper, and candles, we formed a procession to our garden, singing an "Alleluia" hymn to the tune of "Tantum Ergo." After singing the last alleluia, we placed the papers in the box and put the "coffin" in its grave. Then each of us took a spadeful of dirt and buried the box. We found this to be a vivid reminder to us of the absence of the alleluia during Lent and it brought home the fact that these days are different. Be prepared, however, to receive strange stares from overly-observant neighbors!

On Ash Wednesday, we begin our dinner meal with a simple, two minute Lenten service, as suggested by a paperback entitled The Blessing Cup, by Rock Travnikar, OFM. Again, this book encompasses 24 simple rites for family prayer celebrations through the year centered around passing a blessing cup. The service begins with the Sign of the Cross, a reading from Matthew 4:1-2 and petitions asking that our hearts be changed and that our love for the Lord be renewed. The Response is, "Be with us, Lord." The Collect states, "Lord, be with us as we look forward to new birth at Easter. Let us shine forth with the joy of your rising."

Then we partially fill with wine or grape juice a special blessing cup and pass it in succession from the oldest to the youngest member. Mark takes great delight in draining the cup, if it contains grape juice. In fact, we have found that wine tends to be distracting, since the children don't particularly like the taste. To achieve the proper mood, therefore, we usually use grape juice.

For the remainder of Lent we set aside about half an hour each day for family prayer, scripture reading and discussion. Our activity begins with an appropriate song such as, "Just a Closer Walk With Thee." Scripture is taken from the daily readings. We try to let each member read a few lines. Youngest members sometimes need a little help with the words, but it is so important to make them feel that they are an integral part of this activity. In general, we try to stay with the themes of the readings, but there are times when the discussion strays to other matters. As long as the conversation is answering pertinent questions about faith, getting off the subject is acceptable, as far as we're concerned. We try to stay within the half hour time limit. A session that is too long tends to be counter-productive.

Another excellent paperback entitled Lent Begins at Home, by Pat and Rosemary Ryan, is filled with ideas for family prayer and activities. It is especially helpful for families with younger children, but many of the ideas can be adapted for families with older children. Some of the activities include having a secret friend, in which each person draws someone's name and this person becomes a secret friend for six weeks. The object is to be especially nice to your secret friend without being too obvious. Then on Easter morning you give your friend a personalized card that contains a loving message. The book also contains daily Lenten prayers to be said together and even has a recipe for making hot cross buns. In all, there are 49 suggestions for family activities.

Although we rely on books and pamphlets for ideas, we also encourage spontaneity, such as having the children suggest activities. One way in which all members can be contributors is to have a family prayer can. A nicely-decorated coffee can holds original, personal prayers that we have written on slips of paper and have placed in the prayer can at various times throughout Lent. Each day we have one member randomly select a prayer from the can and read it. Its fun to watch people's faces light up when they recognize their own prayer.

There are plenty of other activities that a family can do, including making your own family Lenten candle, having an egg tree, or coloring eggs on which each member of the family has drawn a religious symbol.

What has worked for our family may encourage you to try something for your family. The important thing, though, is to find activities that not only will draw members of your family closer together, but also will help in that constant effort in which we are all engaged, the search for ways to get closer to our Lord.