The Georgia Bulletin

Wed, Jul 9, 2008


What I Have Seen and Heard - Archbishop Gregory's Weekly Column

Print Issue: November 26, 1981

Adoptive Parents Come In All Sizes

By Gretchen Keiser

Set aside the pre-Christmas catalogues for a moment and imagine: a book with pictures on every page of kids, little, big, some shyly looking at the camera, others hammering it up with wide grins.

Underneath are their names and an age and a hint at the fullness of the child posed in black and white; Donald, white, 13, but more important, first place drummer in the band and in an accelerated program for the gifted; Francine, 12, great dimples and bursting with energy; Theodore and Jesse, seven and six-year-old brothers, black, cute and well-behaved and healthy; Stephanie, four years old, a child with cerebral palsy who is now making progress and beginning to walk with help.

You know, opening the book, that the kids inside have had a struggle, so far, in life. What surprises isn’t the details laid out honestly about each of them, but how the data pales alongside the pictures. They are beautiful kids.

You hear, now and then, that there aren’t very many kids available for adoption anymore; or you might hear that the kids who are available are older children or have physical handicaps. The remarks don’t do justice to the kids who are pictured. They make it sound as if it would be difficult to love these children.

It is, perhaps, the first of many ideas about adoption that stop people from taking the step.

Another, if people get beyond the first, is the notion that they must appear to be “ideal” --in family structure, income, and a host of other ways to be approved as an adoptive family.

“There are different types of children, so we need all different types of parents,” said Ellen Cliburn, an adoption caseworker at Child Service and Family Counseling Center on West Peachtree Street in Atlanta. The agency, which is a private United Way agency, is involved in a number of family and counseling services, including working with people who want to adopt children. At any time there are several hundred children available for adoption, Ms. Cliburn said.

In addition to working with young couples, who are traditionally viewed as those seeking to adopt children, staff workers at the Center have helped single people, both men and women, who wanted to adopt a child, and older couples, who sought to adopt a child after their own family had grown up and moved out.

All those people brought different strengths to the new family, whether or not they seemed to fit the traditional mold, Ms. Cliburn said. Older couples, for example, are “experienced parents and they have a support network” around them in their children and grandchildren. And, as testimony to the importance and power of love beyond all else in adoptive families, she mentioned a couple who this year adopted through the agency a child born with Down’s Syndrome. In about four months time, the child’s vocabulary had grown eight-fold from 10 to 85 words, under the care of her adoptive parents.

“What we’re looking for are people who have the maturity,” she said. “They feel good about themselves and are ready to be parents.

“You don’t have to own a home and you don’t have to have ‘so much’ money in the bank. We’re looking for people who can manage their income well and can provide for the basic needs of the children.”

There is a particular need for black couples or black single people who would like to adopt a child. Black and biracial children of all ages from infancy to school age are available for adoption. As the book of pictures attests, there are also family groups of brothers and sisters, from both black and white families, who need a home where they can be placed together. There are school-aged children, both black and white, and children who were born with a physical handicap, such as a problem with hearing or eyesight or a disabling illness like cerebral palsy.

After the first phone call is made, a family that wants to adopt a child has a series of meetings with a caseworker and with other families who are considering adoption and parents who have already adopted a child to share experiences. As the process continues, a meeting is arranged between the family and the child they would like to adopt. If the family decides to adopt a child, the agency continues contact with them to provide support for the new family, Mrs. Cliburn said. Fees are on a sliding scale based on income.

While adoption had the reputation of being tied up in great quantities of red tape, caseworkers at the agency are “here to work with people in not wanting to make it that kind of experience,” Ms. Cliburn said.

“Our role is to help them build the family they’re wanting.”