Frank Sheed, the perennial English publicist of the faith, suddenly came across a young lady in the Cardinal Newman section of our Newman Center library.

After introductions, she felt she should establish some point of contact. So she chirped that Newman was her favorite author, and her favorite passage was his definition of a gentleman.

Mr. Sheed, with a charm as lethal as a rapier replied: “You know, of course, that it was one of Newman’s jokes-he was doing a satire on the English gentleman of the mid-19^th century.” The young lady retired behind a stack of National Geographics.

To Be A Gentleman

Newman in clarifying liberal knowledge and religious knowledge used the clever device of satire:

“Liberal education makes not the Christian, not the Catholic, but the gentleman; it is well to have a cultivated intellect, a delicate taste, a candid, dispassionate mind a noble and courteous bearing in the conduct of life…”

Who could quarrel with these qualities? Who would question the “gentlemanliness” of such a man? Newman did.

“They are no guarantee for sanctity or even for conscientiousness. They attach to the man of the world, to the profligate, to the heartless.” (Anyone with the bearing can be a gentleman!)

But then Newman drops his bludgeon. “Taken by themselves, they seem to be what they are not. They look like virtue from a distance, but they are detached by close observation.”

By the time Newman has finished the satire, the “gentleman” is exposed, on the ropes, and about through.

How About A lady?

One of my best correspondents wants me to take up where Newman left off and define a lady. Since he defines himself as the “voice of experience” he obviously has better qualifications for the subject that I do so instead of using his notes, I give him to you straight.

He asks, e.g., a question I would not dare to ask: “We are in the Southern milieu where every woman is supposed to be a lady. But, ahem, are they all?” Then he proceeds to identify a lady by three things: COMPASSION, GOOD TASTE AND SANG FROID.

I’d say you can tell a lady by three things: compassion, good taste and sang froid.

What About Looks?

“COMPASSION: she can suffer with people instead of just suffering them. Understanding may be shown in a brief glance or tone that stays with the other persons for a long time. She understands not only pain, but boorishness. That’s why no one is ever embarrassed in the presence of a lady-even if he deserves to be.

GOOD TASTE: This not only is simple clothing, makeup, and the other miscellany that a woman trails, but an open, direct approach to things. You can tell the Snob Job from the finishing school by her slicked-down answers. You can tell the Prissy Missy of “good family” who gives you the feeling there won’t be another generation unless somebody makes a mistake. By her manner, a lady tells you what she is, not where she is, not where she came from.

SANG FROID: It’s a woman’s ability to carry herself through any crisis with a certain amount of public aplomb. But not total stoicism. The stony-faced woman is not for me. A woman shouldn’t worry if a slight flutter of the eyelids or hands gives her away. It sometimes makes her look twice as pretty—and she gets help twice as fast.

A SHORTER DESCRIPTION: A lady is class and compassion. Class is what she shows with a little effort and arranging; compassion is what she feels and automatically shows without unbalancing the looks of things in general. You often find one or the other in a woman, but rarely the subtle equilibrium of both.

And Can They Cook?

Now let’s look around. I can think of four women who could be ladies, but aren’t. Not quite.

W. could be a lady, but she doesn’t know how.

X. could be a lady, but she tries too hard.

Y. could be a lady, but she has to be a woman first.

Z. could be a lady, but rather die. Mysterious, all this? But of course. A lady is a mystery, too.

That’s my correspondent’s view. I invite all of you to write me yours—what is a lady? If you are a man, please write your name. But if you are a woman, please don’t.

Paul J. Hallinan

Archbishop Of Atlanta