A young Protestant preacher gave a fine sermon on his first occasion in the pulpit. Everyone congratulated him.

The next Sunday, he preached again—the same sermon. And again on the third, fourth, etc.

After the congregation had heard it seven times, several of the elders objected: “That was a fine sermon, preacher—the first time! But don’t you think you should get on to something else?”

The young minister’s reply: “Why should I? You haven’t done anything yet that I told you seven weeks ago!”

Trapped By Tape

Have you heard of the pastor who was listening to one of his taped sermons and fell asleep?

It Says Right Hear

A sign in a Georgia church, on the marquee, reads: “MINORS SERVED HERE.”

Various Verses

Should auld acquaintance be forgot? If they are wealthy, they are not. –R. Burns

In Xandee did Kubla Khan sleep with his pajamas on? –Sam Coleridge

The moving finger writes, and having writ, Becomes so fond of writing, it can’t quit. –Ed Fitzgerald

She walks in beauty like the night—But have you seen her in the light?—Byron

Thoroughly Thoreau

The post office is issuing a stamp in honor of a man who:

--Personally seceded from the union;

--Refused to pay any kind of tax because he thought the war being waged by the United States was wrong;

--Advocated civil disobedience;

--Contended politicians and the press were evil.

His name: Henry David Thoreau. The 5-cent stamp carries a picture of the outspoken author of “Walden”. He died in 1862 at the age of 45.

Baitless

A small boy was late for Sunday school. The teacher asked the cause. “I was going fishing, but Daddy wouldn’t let me go,” said the boy. “You’re lucky to have a fine father like that,” said the teacher. “And I suppose he explained to you why you shouldn’t go fishing on Sunday?” “Yes”, replied the boy,” he said there wasn’t enough bait for both of us.”—E.E. Cross

Don’t Call Us—Ever!

The following comedy of classified errors kept readers of a California paper smirking for a whole week:

Monday’s advertisement read; “Rev. A.J. Jones has one color TV for sale. Phone 629-1313 after 7 p.m. and ask for Mrs. Donnelly who lives with him cheap.”

Tuesday: “We regret having erred in Father Jones’ classified ad yesterday. It should have read: “Rev. A. J. Jones has one color TV for sale. Cheap. Phone 629-1313 and ask for Mrs. Donnelly who lives with him after 7 p.m.

Wednesday: “Father Jones informs us he has received several annoying telephone calls because of an incorrect classified ad in yesterday’s paper. It should have read: “Rev. A.J. Jones has one color TV for sale. Cheap. Phone 629-1313 after 7 p.m. and ask for Mrs. Donnelly who lives with him.”

Thursday: “Notice, I Rev. A.J. Jones have no color TV for sale. I smashed it, Don’t call 629-1313. The phone has been taken out. I have not been carrying on with Mrs. Donnelly. Until yesterday she was my housekeeper.”

Friday: “Rev. A.J. Jones wishes to hire a housekeeper. Phone 629-1313. Good pay. Usual housekeeping duties. Live in.”

Boiled Rosary

The priest had prepared a very old lady for Communion in her home. He noticed a pan of water boiling on a stove next to the bed, and string tying it to a post of the bed. After a few moments of consideration he asked the old lady why she boiled the rosary. “Well, I have to have the beads real hot in order to count them. This way I can pray most of the day.’

Larceny

These stories were illegally borrowed from Leo Aikman; other Constitution and Journal columnists, as well as popular Catholic magazines. I’m not quite sure whether they specialize in theology or wit.

Paul J. Hallinan

Archbishop Of Atlanta