By Mary Lackie

“People say, ‘You are so young, why don’t you consider remarriage?’”

“It all happened without warning—it was so sudden.”

These comments were made during a discussion at a meeting of the Northside Chapter of the Divorcees Anonymous (D.A.) The group meets on Tuesday evenings at the Cathedral of St. Philip and includes members of all ages and backgrounds. The program for the evening was a group therapy session which explored the question: “What is a mature person?” One answer suggested was: “A sign of maturity is the fact that we can admit we need help—and the ability to bounce back after divorce.”

“Well, we may not always agree with each other,” said one member, “but it really helps to talk things over with people who understand.” These words were echoed by one Catholic member of the groups who admitted that all marriages cannot be saved, but that “we can help each other through a time of crisis. The repercussions of divorce are serious, especially serious if there are children involved.”

“I think it would be easier,” said one parent in the group, “if my partner had died. It is not easy to raise a family alone, but is harder after divorce—particularly for those of use who have teen-age children.”

The group is composed of men and women who are separated or divorced; all seeking help through a period of adjustment. The group includes members who began the chapter six years ago, and new members who have never attended a D.A. meeting and are sometimes shy and upset, reluctant to give their names.

The program follows a pattern beginning with the Lord’s Prayer, and ending with a brief invocation. “Now listen to what you are saying,” said the chairman of the meeting as the prayer began. The program chairman “tires to select speakers that the group requests, and that will give people some opportunity to develop new insights or interests.” The program may be a group therapy session-“the new look in mental health, and a helpful approach,” commented a doctor or there may be speakers: ministers, doctors, lawyers, representatives of social agencies or cultural groups.

The first Atlanta chapter of the nationwide organization was formed in 1956, and still meets at the downtown YMCA. “If we have helped to save one marriage, we have done some good,” said a charter member. Describing the history of the organization, she said, it began in Chicago in the late ‘40s. An attorney had been unable to convince his client that divorce was not the wise solution to her difficulties. She was positive that divorce was the answer. While waiting for her appointment, she visited with a recently divorced woman, and when she walked into her attorney’s office, she said, “I have changed my mind. I don’t want that divorce.” The attorney realized that if he could get people together to discuss their problems among themselves, other marriages might be saved.

“The Georgia divorce laws should be changed,” emphasized the charter member. “We hear so much in Georgia about “quickie marriages’, but few people are aware that it is possible to obtain a divorce in Georgia in just 30 days.”

A local attorney verified this statement, “The code requires one of the parties who file suit to have been a Georgia resident for at least six months. If the defending party gives consent, the suit can be placed on the court calendar, and 30 days after the suit is filed, a divorce can be obtained. However, it does require the consent of the defending party.” There is no court of conciliation and no strictly established ‘waiting period’ for divorce under the Georgia laws.

What are the causes of divorce? “The roots of divorce lie in everything we are—the courses are the results of our whole way of life and as varied as our backgrounds and circumstances,” said a psychiatrist. “Definitely, a lack of communications is a cause for breakdown in a marriage. And if people have no firm convictions—about religion, or anything else, for that matter, marriage will not be durable, and nothing else in their lives will be durable.”

The psychiatrist, like many of the ministers and doctors who have addressed the D.A. meetings, agrees that “Divorcees Anonymous” offers mutual support in times of crisis.

As a community action group its potential is tremendous. The people who attend the meetings are sincerely concerned with solving here-and-now problems.”

‘Here-and-now’ is, as one member said, “facing up to reality; learning to live with past mistakes. Six months ago, I didn’t think I could make it alone; now I want to help others who are facing the same problems.”